Wife wants best of both worlds

[ClingingToHope]

I've been hammered by some on these boards for being too nice and the nice guy approach doesn't work. So what's the opposite? Being an ass. That's just not me.

I like coach's advice of showing unconditional love. I'm following the non-pursuit rules and I'm going to stop snooping -- it just hurts my own self esteem.

After all, we want a happy healthy marriage, not one based on lies.

If I have to be a jerk and spy on her to satisfy my own issues, that's not going to work either.

Easier said than done though. Lord, I can't wait to get out of winter so I can get outside again.