Yes it was perfect - Normally I don't feed the homeless until the third Tuesday of the month and this one fell in my lap so I am taking the sign as to that is where I am supposed to be tonight.
(((MO3))) I have to be beaten upside the head sometimes to remember this and sometimes the little signs escape me in that moment...I look back and have to whack myself in the head when I "see" it was there all along and I once again missed it.
May All Who Seek To Take My Life Be Put To Shame And Confusion; May All Who Desire My Ruin Be Turned Back In Disgrace. ~Psalm 40:14~
Nice to see you as always...I love that you venture out of MLC to visit over here...Hope all is well.
Mini Vent ~
Fed the homeless tonight... Oldest S called and I spoke to him, the little one and H... All was well... 15 minutes later S calls again and H is bringing little one home because he misses me and is crying (it is bedtime and he is overtired)... I didn't take that well... Called my H a quitter... Can't commit to anything and stick with it... Quit our marriage, quit our family and now quitting on his kid... Pardon my mouth but I just wanted to tell him I thought he was such a d**khead (I didn't). Frick I wish he would have just left us the hell alone. 2x4's expected.
May All Who Seek To Take My Life Be Put To Shame And Confusion; May All Who Desire My Ruin Be Turned Back In Disgrace. ~Psalm 40:14~
I am not sure if I will share it with my Pastor but to know he was the medium used makes it all the more better in my mind.
Tell him, Serenity, by all means. Think of what it would mean to him as a Pastor to hear this.
Originally Posted By: Serenity13
Well today is the day...
H has just picked up the kids - My Mom called and let me know my youngest ran out the door when he saw his Dad pull up - H didn't come in nor speak to anyone but the kids and my niece.
He is bringing them back in 2 days instead of 4 days which is ok by me - I would have been happy with them not going at all...
I don't trust him and I am not sure where he is sitting on the "crazy-train".
Will you be keeping in touch with them these two days? I hope so. If "Trust but verify" is an often viable approach, when you "don't trust him", I'd suggest verifying the heck out of this visit. Follow that "train".
Originally Posted By: Serenity13
However I will be ok with this...
Somehow someway.
I'm sure you will. You are becoming more "ok" and stronger daily, from my vantage point. ((Seren))
Gardener
"My soul, be satisfied with flowers, With fruit, with weeds even; but gather them In the one garden you may call your own." Cyrano deBergerac
Came in for a minute because his arms were full...
Even though I have been off of work for quite awhile, I haven't had a chance to change so I was still dressed up....
Oh he was so eyeballing me when he thought I wasn't looking...
I was holding little one and I could see him looking me up and down..
So he says to oldest something about going because it is an hours drive and they wouldn't get back til 10ish...
I go to say be safe and he walks up, puts his arms around me and gives me the longest tightest hug ever, kisses me and says "I love you" - First words in my head "Are you effin kidding me?" I didn't say it though because I had already asked for my lips to stay zipped...
Walked S to the car so he could show me his Christmas present...
Another hug, 2 more "I love yous" and another kiss.
With a touch & a few words and I get sucked right back in and after he left I gave my thanks to God for showing me He is once again still working on my H...
Now before you beat me over the head, talk a step outside and look up...
Look at the moon and see the Eye of God looking out over all of us...
Do you see it?
May All Who Seek To Take My Life Be Put To Shame And Confusion; May All Who Desire My Ruin Be Turned Back In Disgrace. ~Psalm 40:14~
Before I start - Did any of you look at the moon last night? It was directly over my house, the moon looked like the iris of an eye and there was a huge circle around it - Just like an eye looking down on us.
(Before I wrote that last night, I texted my sister and asked her if it was the same moon everyone else sees. Blonde moment for sure.)
I have had a few hours to process the events that happened last night...
While I still don't understand the change in him, I am not going to waste time trying to pick it apart either. It confuses me and if I allow it, it gives me false hope.
He got out of the car looking like he wanted to fight. (probably mad cause I had called him a quitter about an hour prior to him being there) Whatever happened between the car and the house I don't know, all I know is he kept staring at me and would look away when I caught him doing it...
The first thing he looked at when we were in the light was my left hand - He always checks to see if I am still wearing my wedding ring - Which I am because I am married - Then his face softened and I stood a little taller, then you know the rest.
I hope he left thinking WTH am I doing with the FT when I have this amazing woman standing in front of me who loves me unconditionally...
I hope he went home and compared us - We are as different as night and day...
She is short (no more then 5') I am tall (5'10) she is fat, I am not, she is dark haired and dark eyed, I am blond and blue eyed...
I am kind, caring, loyal, compassionate, sympathetic, loving, faithful, beautiful (yes my self-esteem is returning haha), usually have some grace thrown in there as well - She doesn't have any of these qualities - She is a predator, lower then pond scum, a human being with no morals, no ethics, no self-respect - I am a treasure, she is not - I am a rare jewel in my Father's crown and she is a lost soul...
Last night I learned that the way he behaved was a test for me and I passed...
The test you ask? It was a way to show me just exactly how far I have come.
1 month ago I would have read it to being a step into him maybe coming home and what I still needed to do in order for him to come home (you know cause the affair was my fault)...
Last night I read it as a billion baby steps I have taken over the last few months and just how far those steps have brought me.
You know how far????
I didn't fall for it last night...
Him dropping the crumbs didn't rope me back in...
I didn't run back in the house like a giddy schoolgirl all happy cause he threw me a bone...
I turned away from him, held my head high and my back straight as steel and I walked away with a smile on my face.
May All Who Seek To Take My Life Be Put To Shame And Confusion; May All Who Desire My Ruin Be Turned Back In Disgrace. ~Psalm 40:14~
