She even mentioned about an open marriage. I told her it’s not a healthy relationship and moved out.
You do have an open marriage....as far as your W is concerned. She certainly is flaunting the fact she doesn't respect her M vows.
Don't fool yourself by thinking that it is only an EA. You know she loves sex, and the lawyer would not give the time of day to your W if she wasn't sleeping with him. She even spent two days & nights with him before she told you the truth! Now she doesn't even try to hide the truth.
You have sex with her 2/3 times a week and she is seeing the lawyer the same amount of times per week? Wow!
This woman has disrespected you about every way a wife can treat her H. Saying that you have been her doormat is putting it mildly. Why would you want to stay M to a woman like that? You described her to sound awful before you even found out about her A. I see nothing that sounds attractive about her, except for the fact you like having sex with her. Are you sure you are doing this just for the kids' sake?
If you put up with this behavior, and it is just for the kids...then answer me these questions, please. Could you live with her until your children are grown and have left home? Is this the role model of a M that you want your children to see? Is this the kind of man and husband you want your children to see how they should be in a M when they grow up?
If you decide that you want to stay M to her, then you must wear the pants in the family and start to man-up. She does not need somebody that will allow her to walk all over him. She needs to see a strong, self-confident man that has honor and dignity and will claim respect. She will not love you until she feels respect for you. You have much work to do if the M survives.
The good news is....it can be done. However, I think that you must have misunderstood some of the Do's & Don'ts on the list if you believe you are following them. Maybe I am the one that misunderstood you?
Be a good strong respectful man who your children will be proud of. Yes, some day they will know the truth and how you did not want a D. But, they will know if their mother showed respect for their father. And, that is what will affect them in their relationships.
Don't go to OM and tell him that his behavior is not appreciated! That will do no good except to give them both a good laugh. Expose what they are doing by telling the people that mean the most to them. Who would it hurt your W the most to find out the truth? What about her business? Would it matter if anyone there knew? If she doesn't care about her family knowing......are you sure they know details or do they think she just "likes" this lawyer? You must get tough in order to bust this affair. Does the lawyer mama know he is dating a M woman, or does she think the woman is D? You never know what the mama has been told by her son & your W. The lawyer's mama may not be too happy if her son's reputation was tarnished by him openly dating a married woman. If things heated up enough, I bet the lawyer would drop your W to keep mama happy!
If you talk to anyone....I think it needs to be the lawyer's mother. I have a feeling she thinks you and wife are divorced! Don't tell your W what you are going to do.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
