here we go again

[Jstar]

yep i have both books. oh he texted around 7 and was like can i come over. i replied with it's ur choice, i gave u that option in my previous msg, he like i don't know what it means, i'm like freaking unbelievable.

i explain it somewhat again, he shows up unnounced, all we did was argue. had the gaul to say come over to his mothers so d2 can get her presents. i said no way, after this woman has neglected my kid, accused me of killing one baby and this one as well. how stupid can you be.

i messed up royally. i did not act as if, did R talks, told him i could wait no more, he wasn't that bad, he was lets go slow, i say what's your plan, no answer, let me do things for you, i messed it up, sabotaged it all myself.

in past he would keep everything loose and go with no contact for a few days then call up and say ok i'm coming over in an hr and i can't live like that. to me its torture,.

i don't even want to type what we said to each other. it was a very short visit, like maybe 15 minutes.

i've gotta figure out what i'm gonna do now.

so true that after all hard work of being dark, come out and mess it all up.

[bluerain]

Hi Jstar. Relax, you cant beat yourself up over this. I think that if you can know that you didnt act as you should have, you have a pretty good chance at changing it in the future. Your entire marriage isnt going to hinge on this one interaction, just try harder next time.

[Jstar]

well he came over for a few hours, took d2 of course with me, has to earn his trust, to buy a xmas gift. it was kind of awkward in the sense of not really knowing what to talk about. did some R talk, talk about birth(he gets very upset about)i had to let him know that i'm not going to change who is going to be in with me,

but if he can demonstrate support maybe they will let 2 people be in with me, my niece is going to be there, i'm not going to say oh sorry you can't because h is now back in the picture.

my d18 is planning on coming down to be with son when he's born as they take him get checked for the 2nd time after his birth.

he got really upset about that, could not understand howi could just push him out. i had to try to get it across that he has some time to change the sitch and the more family there with me, the better. I haven't said that to him yet, but will.

he had to leave quickly for some new job he's doing, he kisses daughter by, says to me he had fun and good time, then d2 is telling him to kiss me. h is like i don't think ur mom wants me to kiss her, d2 is adamant about it, so h kisses me on cheek.

a little bit later he calls, leaves vm, that he doesn't know his schedule for next day but would like to take d2 to park with her new motorized car and do some things around the house that need to get done.

all was okay, but he has inconsistencies in his stories, and it is very difficult to believe what he says.

he does express fear of trying, but does not believe in divorce so i kind of jokingly say, sure but do you believe in marriage.

being dark was so much easier, this is the hard part, one day at a time. we will see how it goes if he remains consistent.

[bluerain]

Have you read any peiceing threads? It might help you just to go over them to see what you might be able to expect.

[Jstar]

yeah i was checking them out. just another roller coast ride, just got in a different line now.

i would consider myself to be a strong person, i've been through a lot, i won't bore with details, but in this i don't think i'm gonna make it to be patient enough to deal with him.

i have all but told him that i'm done, i think i've just become a walk away spouse. i reply back to his msgs, but they are just listen to ur parents, i'm not right for you, i'll let you know who my attorney is, glad u are making money now and like where you are at, me kids are moving on, gone, it's to late.

i know i'm hard on him, impatient, buti look at the time, though very short that i've spent with him, and there's no change in him, he's the same person i was married to. closed off, never talking, answering his phone, can't figure out one day to the next, selfish, chatting with his friends while he's supposed to be hanging with d2, phone calls come in and it's up and off he runs to go cater to whoever was on the phone, it was not work,.

my niece was like i understand i fyou want him in the delievery room, he is the father. i told her, he maybe the father, but it's my choice of who is going to make me feel most comfortable, and even if he and i were somewhat back together, i'm not going to tell you just because of him u cant be there.

i'm still going with the plans i've made when he was not around.

[Jstar]

when i checked out the piecing posts, they kept talking about how the resentment can come back and the anger if you start talking. oh boy has it.

found out credit card company will do nothing from him stealing and using my card, said it's a domestic problem. so all the charges go back on my card and i have to pay it.

found out he pays some of his mothers bills for staying at her house, even if he 's not there all the time. he's given me some money but he's like well if i have to get my own place i won't be giving you that much money.

he consulted an attorney, claims left and right he does nto want a divorce wants his wife and kids, but imop he's doing nothing to make sitch better.

great one time given me money, seen d2 twice, but can't seem to give me a work schedule or visitation guide.

oh no jstar i get paid under the table with this other job. so taht will be great for court. but he does give money in form of money order which he thinks it helps him to keep records of but imop it can come back to backfire on him. how is he going to explain where he got the money from in court? excuse me your honor, i work this job but they pay me in cash. judge, really? that's a violation of some law....

i just see a lifetime of him not coming thru for his kids, them feeling less then what they should never a priority to him, him having to be at his friends, family whoever's beck and call and push them to the side.

i can't say that i miss his companionship because he never really was any, jstar i don't talk when i eat dinner, i know i talk to my friends 10 times a day and you none, i just can't talk to you jstar.

i know i'm venting rate now.

[Jstar]

i spent today venting to him in text msgs. he responded for a few.

i'm going back dark, no contact.

[TrentC]

i spent today venting to him in text msgs. he responded for a few.

i'm going back dark, no contact.

It's not really going dark if you spend all day venting at him, you know...

[Jstar]

i mean after i vented for awhile then i will be going dark. yes messed up sitch.

[bluerain]

I think that sometimes, we just need to get some things off of our chests. Now that you have gotten it out of your system, you can relax and go dark again. Should you have done it? Probably not, but that ship has sailed, let it go.

You can also pay attention to what triggers you to do these things and sort of head them off at the pass before you do something that you know is unproductive!