I know you guys all know what this is like and from what I read you are all being sooo very STRONG in your sitch's.
Don’t kid yourself. We all have weak moments, and so will you. When that happens, bounce back.
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Believe me I really am trying. I'm not sure I can do the 'single' thing though, after 23 years this is what I am.
I can so relate to this. I, too, was with my WAW for 23 years. I’m fairly new here, but I’ve already learned much. You’re going to get a lot of advice. Don’t be overwhelmed. Digest it carefully. Stay calm. Take your time.
As hard as it is to hear and digest, Sandi is right. When you’ve been with someone as long as we have the relationship becomes a huge part of your identity in your mind. This is very natural, but not very healthy. The marriage is not who you are. It does not define you. You won’t get that into your head overnight, but you can and will get it.
When I first came on this board, the thought of being single scared the sh*t out of me. Yet, I was being told, “think single”. For those of us who have spent half our lives with our spouses, we don’t even remember what it feels like to be single. And that takes us WAY out of our comfort zone. In fact, that aspect alone can be terrifying. But, believe it or not, you CAN do it.
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It just burns me up so much not knowing for sure.
This is another thing that is going to be hard to hear and even harder to do. When you’re focused/obsessed with what she is doing, the focus is ON her and OFF of you. This will make you crazy, dude. And more importantly, it will prevent you from doing the very things you need to do IF you want to save your marriage. It’s paradoxical. You need to get that. You won’t get it all at once, or just by reading this post. This is going to be a process.
You’ve entered the Twilight Zone. Nothing is at is seems and all your natural responses will likely be the wrong ones. Talk. Listen. Learn. Be patient. Be strong. You will make it through this.
