Wife lost her love for me - my story

[sandi2]

She sure has all the signs of having an Internet EA. An EA for a woman is very serious and the more she "feeds" it, the worse things will become.

From the way I read what you said about not thinking she was in a PA b/c she rarely left the house, I wondered if you were like my H and really didn't understand much about an EA. Frankly, I didn't.....until I had one. I was still in my EA when I stumbled upon this board. That is when I learned that it is a medical fact that there are certain chemicals or hormones releases into the brain that causes the woman to have those "in-love" feelings. She gets the same "high" as she did the first time she ever fell in love. The thing is that she wants this "high" to continue and therefore she feeds it by fantasizing. Everytime she has computer contact (or phone, etc.) with OM, that is like getting a drug fix for her. She is addicted. That is why she will fight you about her computer contacts. She will lie and deny. You KNOW she is doing something wrong when she refuses you acces to her FB and she closes the door when she's on the computer. I did the same thing.

When I finally broke contact with the OM and stopped all computer activity outside of my regular family emails and the DB Board......then I went through withdrawals. I am not trying to sound dramatic, but it is the truth and I believe your W is right where I once was.

When you feel that you are ready, then you need a plan as to how to turn this around. Have you actually confronted her about what she is doing on the computer? Do you have any solid proof of what she's doing? Do you know how to get information from the computer to trace her history?

Please do not leave your home. You see it like a lot of men do, but it is not what you need to do. Yes, you are the breadwinner, but this is not a normal situation and if your W wants out of this M, then you must force her to deal with the consequences of her choices. Do not help her....and do not rescue her. If you leave the house.....you are doing it all for her. This is not your dad's generation and men no longer leave their homes. They stay home, and keep the kids with them!!

How old is your daughter? You see, you are taking for granted that your W will take the child with her. Why? What you need to do is say, "I do not want a divorce. I will not leave my home. If you do not want to live with me, then you will have to be the one to leave, but I will file for child custody. I will not support your A and I will not help you to live outside this family."

If you leave the home, then the courts may see that as "abandonment". Fathers are being granted at least 50% of child custody. In some cases.....more. Don't walk out on your daughter. She needs you and I promise that your W is in no shape to raise her alone b/c she will be more & more consumed by her computer activity.

You see leaving your home as giving your daughter solid ground. But your daughter will see her father walking out on her....and it will influnce her relationships with men for the rest of her life. Is that what you want to do to her? She needs the parent who is not lost in a fantasy world and who will "really" be there for her. Don't lose your focus in all of the mess.