Wife lost her love for me - my story

[sandi2]

Hi Tom, I read you last post and it sure hit home. I know my H could understand completely how you must feel.

You love a person and trust them with everything in your life, and then its "I don't love you anymore". How do you put aside all that time, all that "living", and put it in a trash bag and throw it away?

Exactly. Trust was the most prized part of our love.....and I threw it down the toliet like it was "stuff".

I do feel betrayed though - like she stole all those years from me -

Are you talking about the past years? B/c she didn't steal what is already lived. You have good memories and that was your life, right? If you are talking about years in the future.....it's not over. Yes, you have a right to feel betrayed. You have a right to feel everything that you are experiencing.

who in their right mind would marry someone for 25 yrs with no feeling

Tom, do not believe that she never loved you! Do not believe the things she is saying right now b/c in a way....she's not in her right mind. I know....I've been where she is right now.

she definitely lost something within her in the last couple of years, which is the time she is claiming she has started to feel the love slip away.

She may be correct in that. She may have stopped feeling the passion, etc., that she wanted to have.....b/c something was changing in her body.

As I told you, we have had our share of bad stuff down through the years. My body was suffering from more than one physical problem and when my hormones got out of whack.....I was really messed up. There were several things I could claim that added to my WAW symptoms and I guess I'll never know just how much any one thing played a part in it. For example, the depression I was having. The isolation I was feeling......on and on I could go, but it is no excuse for what I did.

What you have to do is realize that this woman is not the girl you M and you have to stop driving yourself crazy by asking all these questions about why she is doing this or saying that. She is not thinking, talking, or acting logical. She won't be until she gets straighten out. Now, you can throw up your hands, shake you head and walk out as if you can't handle this.....or you can start looking at this as a challenge where you will win.....and start using that list I gave you. So....you've been M 25 yrs. That's great but I was M longer than that when I almost walked away. M does not get any easier.....it just has new challenges. Did you hear me? Are you the man? I hope so b/c this will top all that you've faced in the past. Nothing is more hurtful or personal that when you have a spouse to do what your W has done to you.

It is up to you as to how you will choose to handle it. Get a grip and hang on tight. This will not end quickly and there is no magic formula......(well the list is as close as you'll get to a formula). There are no quick fixes. If you are use to fixing things.....you'll get very frustrated if you think your W will/should be fixed. She won't be. But, things do not have to remain like this. However, it takes a long time, so I hope you will be in it for the long haul.

If you decide that you are willing to do whatever to save yourself (first) and the marriage (second), will you listen to the advice you are given? Will you work with us and let us try to help you?