Right now I feel like I can't move. Can't talk to anyone about any specifics about why I left, or even that I did leave. H was upset when I told a friend/neighbor that I had moved out because I was "broadcasting" the news- "they'll tell all the other neighbors and all the parents in the show choir..."
Okay...ummm...got a question for you:
WHO CARES? Who cares what H thinks? The only thing that matters is what BUNNY wants to do. If you have friends, if you want people to know where to find you, then TELL THEM. EFF H.
To paraphrase my very wise nephew, H is NOT the boss of you.
Every time you worry about what H will think, I want you to stop, ask yourself, "What do *I* want/need/desire?" And if it leads you to the original idea, then think:
"EFF what H thinks. Bunny wants ___________."
For a time, just to get you to break the habit of screening your every thought and move by what your H wants, I think ANY time your H comes to mind, you should go ahead and say out loud (if you're alone...or not :
EFF H!
The reason your H is pushing your boundaries and not freaking out is because he sees you as the same old Bunny. He thinks he's going to lure you back and make you do exactly what you've always done and give him his way. It's time to break the pattern, because honey, it's the only way you'll end up in a healthy R, with or without your H.
Do you know about Meetup.com? It saved me when I was going through this with H. I'm really shy, but I pushed myself to go to some meetups and meet people. I joined a dinner and a movie group, a walking group, a sushi group, etc. I had a great time. And as long as you stay away from the party groups, you'll have a chance to form friendships that are a lot healthier than the swingers you know.
Hang in there!
SD
Me: 40 H: 43 H had EA from 2/06-9/06 Bomb 5/06 Piecing since 9/2006 3/2008: Boundary setting 7/2009: Boundary crossing~dropped my own bomb. 8/2010: Marriage finally on track!
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