K4D It's a Wonderful Life

[K4D]

Okay, here is an idea and one I have worked very hard at in C'ing (it's so worth it!).

You said you are nervous about totally splitting the finances, right? So make that your "big" goal and put it aside for a minute. In order to reach that "big goal" (whatever the goal is) sometimes we have to set and reach several "mini goals" that serve as stepping stones. How can you begin to set "mini goals" in regard to splitting the finances so your "big goal" (in this case the big goal would be a 100% financial split) doesn't seem so scary? I am just brainstorming but what about starting with the vehicles/car insurance? Next would be credit cards and so on until you reached enough mini goals to be ready to tackle a "big goal". If you really are that afraid your fear will not just magically go away, you have to work on it and maybe you need to just break it down to less terrifying steps so you can really get a sense of how AMAZING it feels to overcome a fear by setting goals and reaching them.

My C and I worked long and hard on that very concept (we still do) and it really helped me get on track.

Take all these big huge gestures off the table and replace them with attainable mini goals that you can start TODAY so you can get a good taste of how awesome it feels to set boundaries for your own personal growth, create goals and reach them.

Now this might not be your solution but it is a solution. If you don't care for this solution why not put pen to paper and start brainstorming solutions?

That is a good solution CG. Taking it one account at a time is a little easier than going full force on them combined at once.

There are a couple of things at play here just to lay it out.

W has the van that is not being driven along with the title on our auto insurance. She also has her new vehicle on the insurance. She has full coverage on both. I have my Camry on it which is only liability. So I pay half of the insurance bill each month knowing this.

Then there is the cell bill. It got racked up over $300 this past mont and is normally closer to only $200 a month. So I will be paying half of that until it is split.

There is one credit card that I had originally agreed to let W keep that is in my name as long as payment was made each month. I still have to ask her how much she wants to pay on it each month as she had maxed it out. It is only a $1,600 credit limit, but none the less, she really needs to apply for her own card now and pay this one off so I can close it out as I have my own credit card now just for me that I pay off every month.

W is paying the kids and both of our health insurances at a ridiculous rate through her agency, but that is about to end with her job ending and I am trying to get a job where I can provide insurance for the kids. The insurance bill according to her is about $800 a month and rarely gets used if ever. Also the deductible on it is somewhere in the neighborhood of $2,000 to $2,500. So we never even touch the insurance itself as we don't go through that many expenses. I don't know what all she has covered on that plan, my guess is everything. I never wanted this plan and she took it anyways. My contribution to it if I did would be $400 a month plus splitting copays, etc.

I also pick up the C bill twice a month for the girls. W doesn't contribute to this. That comes to $200 a month.

What I have tried to do is look at the differences in our pay to this point and offset that with letting her handle the health insurance, me handle the C and us splitting the rest since technically I could ask for a percentage of child support even having the kids 50% of the time because of the differences in salary. prior to all of this happening.

The other thing is W was making additional money on the side that she didn't tell me about, meanwhile telling me she had no money for bills until she realized that I pulled some 401k money to pay off my credit card. Then she came out with it. But she didn't tell me how much and I didn't ask. She knew I had gotten a check and asked if I made some money off investments and I said a little yes.

So that is what is financially left for us to work out.

So as I go through this with her, there is a chance the health insurance may come up and then I have to bring out that I haven't gone after a percentage for child support from her. That could be an interesting conversation. Of course she could point out that I haven't picked up my own on that as well to which she would be right. But I have also covered bills one month that she did not and I didn't asked to be reimbursed for it. Again, I also pick up C and pay the extra money on auto insurance and the cell bill which I did not rack up these charges this month but will have to pay half anyways since I did not act sooner on splitting the accounts.

In the end, I guess it all works out. But I am thinking like you said CG, one account at a time. That would probably go much smoother and I could slowly work things that way.

Kevin