Thank you LR, I actually spoke to him last night, as we are now having more open R talks. I said I felt upset like he had been saying that his ONLY regret was not distancing more from ME early on and he laughed and said no, there's plenty of mistakes to go around and he knows it.
So we are at the stage that we are starting to say and hear what we have done to hurt each other, and hopefully see if there is a way we can do it differently and compromise. I can't believe things are going this well. I feel like we are back on track. H invited me to watch a show with him last night and we laughed and talked openly and things felt so relaxed.
I'm scared for when vacation is officially over and his work stress increases. That's when I've seen him get verbally abusive and my panic attacks started happening. So I'm praying I can DB my way through those times now that I have some reward and connection now in between. When all I was getting was blame and anger, I was despondent. I think he is still foggy - he is waffling still.
GAL is often a confusing issue for me as one of our problems was that I was out gone all the time and neglected my R. I was escaping from our problems. So GAL for me has been more of an internal state - one where I am focussing on making myself feel happy and fulfilled with or without him, but not just going out all the time. Anything so I'm not obssessing on what my H is or isn't doing.
