Okay, here is an idea and one I have worked very hard at in C'ing (it's so worth it!).
You said you are nervous about totally splitting the finances, right? So make that your "big" goal and put it aside for a minute. In order to reach that "big goal" (whatever the goal is) sometimes we have to set and reach several "mini goals" that serve as stepping stones. How can you begin to set "mini goals" in regard to splitting the finances so your "big goal" (in this case the big goal would be a 100% financial split) doesn't seem so scary? I am just brainstorming but what about starting with the vehicles/car insurance? Next would be credit cards and so on until you reached enough mini goals to be ready to tackle a "big goal". If you really are that afraid your fear will not just magically go away, you have to work on it and maybe you need to just break it down to less terrifying steps so you can really get a sense of how AMAZING it feels to overcome a fear by setting goals and reaching them.
My C and I worked long and hard on that very concept (we still do) and it really helped me get on track.
Take all these big huge gestures off the table and replace them with attainable mini goals that you can start TODAY so you can get a good taste of how awesome it feels to set boundaries for your own personal growth, create goals and reach them.
Now this might not be your solution but it is a solution. If you don't care for this solution why not put pen to paper and start brainstorming solutions?
