K4D It's a Wonderful Life

[K4D]

How about this... stop thinking about the divorce. Take it off the table for now. Instead start thinking of how you can achieve personal victories for you and YOUR life. In order to achieve personal victories we must set boundaries and goals.

I can do that. That is what I am trying to do with my C.

I personally would LOVE to see you tell your W that you have decided to split all finances for 2010. I would love to read a post that you told her this in a calm, civil and respectful way and whatever reaction she had, had ZERO bearing on you. I would love to be around when you realize this small step does not push you closer to a divorce but pushes you closer to being an independent man who is more than capable of keeping his own financial house in order.

That is going to be a big one for me. I am going to have to get up my nerve to do that one. But I will work on getting up my nerve for it.

I still belong to an IRL divorce support group. Often times couples that reconciled come in and talk to us. The majority of the couples that reconciled that came back to share their journey (and many of them have been reconciled for years now) still have separate finances with very clear financial boundaries so finances don't become an issue and they can work on the "important stuff".

That makes sense. Ultimately the accounts are not what is the important stuff.

I am glad you want to have a better career and perhaps start a business. Right now you should look at those things as "gravy" because you have some really pressing issues you need to tackle before you can really focus on the "gravy". Learn to adjust your mindset, set boundaries, not worry about the impact your personal growth will have on your W and really embrace the notion of learning how to implement very basic life skills (using resources, seeking out solutions on your own, conquering your root fears and so on). Life cannot blossom on "gravy" alone. Address the "meat" of the matter first.

I am trying to focus on the meat. You are right and you would definitely know since you are self employed.

I had a lovely holiday, thank you for asking. Christmas Eve day I ran some last minute errands with my friends. Christmas Eve I hosted my mom, step dad, sister and brother in law (Christmas Eve is the night we celebrate in my family). I volunteered Christmas morning then spent some time calling my out of town family/friends. Christmas Day night I hosted a party for a few friends and my sister and brother in law joined in after they had dinner with my BIL's family. It was one of the nicest holidays I can remember. I felt happy and centered and things felt just right.

That sounds like a great Christmas. I am glad it went so well for you. That is always good to hear CG.

Kevin