K4D It's a Wonderful Life

[K4D]

You don't have to knock it all down at once but if you can just pick one thing and really beat the crap out of it (metaphorically speaking of course) the rest of the stuff won't be so bad. It might not be great at first but "not great" is better than "terrible", right?

Right. I guess I felt like trying to change my career for the better was a first step I could take to being proactive in my own life. I am trying to beat the crap out of that one. lol.

I thought trying to figure out and get a business going with my friends was also another good step in doing for my own life which I still intend to at least pursue and take a shot at.

And at times I think about filing for D and being done and walking away. I find myself feeling like if I do, then I am acknowledging that I failed. I feel like I if I do then I let my kids down, my M down, God down, and W down in that I couldn't be strong and stand in the face of this forever. And I keep having this verse pop in my head from the bible that says "Husbands, do not D your wife". That always pops in my head when I start thinking about doing it. I also have some bit of fear, ok, maybe great fear of spending the rest of my life with out my W being there by my side. Which I know is what you are trying to help me get past so I can live my life fully and enjoy it without fear of whether or not she is there.

But ya, I have got to take a step of some sort and beat it until it is completed and then take the next step. I am going to talk to my C about that. One step at a time and really focusing on it until it is completed.

I know I will adjust no matter what happens, I have just been resistant to it for many reasons which are known.

I try to think of myself and what I can do to have fun without my W, and then she pops back in my head again and I mentally and emotionally backslide in my mind. But I do honestly try.

I think changing my career and working on a business idea is a good step to helping take some of the focus off of what if with W. But there is more that I still have to face on my own and conquer.

It sounds like your mom made every effort possible to make that M work and she finally just didn't have anymore to give without risking her own health. I can understand that.

You also made every effort with yours and just finally had enough and had to look at your health also. I understand that to.

You also both came to the realization that you have more to offer yourself and life has more to offer than being stuck in a situation that was greatly bringing down yalls health and life.

What you overcame with everything you went through truly amazes me.

CG, I don't think I asked you how your Christmas was and I apologize for that. How was it? Did you have a good time? What all did you do?

Kevin