My D12 and I were watching The Nanny yesterday. Fran and Max were getting married. They got to the "til death do us part" line, and D12 says... that's a crock of crap. So sad.
That is sad. You can tell your D12 that that is what M means, but some people choose not to honor their vows and when that happens, the people affected have to try and make the best of what they do have and try not to let it affect their own decisions later in life just because one person chose not to follow through with their vows. Not everyone chooses to honor what they commit to. It is a sad but true fact of life. It doesn't mean they should let their there decisions between right and wrong be affected down the road by what someone else chose.
It is tough on the kids and tough on the LBS trying to show that D is not the answer to problems.
Kevin
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
My D12 and I were watching The Nanny yesterday. Fran and Max were getting married. They got to the "til death do us part" line, and D12 says... that's a crock of crap. So sad.
That is sad. You can tell your D12 that that is what M means, but some people choose not to honor their vows and when that happens, the people affected have to try and make the best of what they do have and try not to let it affect their own decisions later in life just because one person chose not to follow through with their vows. Not everyone chooses to honor what they commit to. It is a sad but true fact of life. It doesn't mean they should let their there decisions between right and wrong be affected down the road by what someone else chose.
It is tough on the kids and tough on the LBS trying to show that D is not the answer to problems.
Kevin
You don't get it.
The marriage died.
The relationship died.
So you have 2 people going through the motions that have to stick it out till they die?
Sounds like a fun life.
What did you do to make your relationship exciting?
What did you do to make it boring?
Did you get old, fat and lazy?
Did they?
"Til death do us part" isn't a fancy catch phrase, it was descriptive of your life together, it wasn't just referring to your chronological ages & physical mortality.
Depending on your beliefs about M... The point is that M is for life and that if there are problems in the M, they should be worked on. It should never be given up on. Sometimes things take longer than one would like. Sometimes a major wake up call is needed. But her point and her D12's point and my own point is that M is for life. It is the vow taken for life.
The good times of the M may have died. But M itself is a commitment for life through better or worse for both sides. Divorcing and running away to be with someone else is never the answer. Granted at times we feel like we get pushed in that direction, I have to at times. But ultimately, the best solution to M is for both parties to always try and fix and resolve issues that come up for the rest of their lives. Otherwise, they might as well just toss out the "Til Death Do You Part" and replace that vow with "Til I Just Don't Give A Crap Anymore".
Kevin
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
Wow. SadGirl. You have a handfull there... Hell, an armfull!!
I still think it's a good idea, no matter HIS motivation. A good counselor will see through him, call him on it, and guide your conversations productively.
Yes, my hand are full. They are my life.
I'm going to consider going. That's all I can commit to right now.
I think the answer might be to ask a counselor. I think I agree with you, I don't see the benefit to all of you going together. But why not ask an expert, or even two?
I felt sad for her because at 12, life should still be idyllic. However, I don't think I believe in the whole til death do us part thing. I think everything that can be done, should be done, however, sometimes divorce happens.
I have some friends who are staying married for the kids. That isn't honoring the marriage either, IMO.
Perhaps I misread what you were saying then. But I do agree that it is sad that D12 feels hurt by the whole thing enough to point out that a wedding on tv in reality is crap when looking at her own circumstances with her dad taking off. That is just sad to see her having to experience and feel the pain from it.
I think C will be good for her and I know that you know that or you wouldn't be looking at it. You are doing a good job sadgirl. Not much else could be asked of you.
Kevin
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
I agree, it was sad. I hope it never has to be part of her reality when she gets married. My mom has been married 4 times. One of my life goals was to get married and stay married. But, I failed at it. I hope for better for my kids, though.
I'm going to speak to a counselor about family counseling. If I need to go, I will, even if it makes no sense to me.
I just hate not knowing why H is being so nice. I don't want him getting the jump on me. Gotta keep my eyes open.
I agree, it was sad. I hope it never has to be part of her reality when she gets married. My mom has been married 4 times. One of my life goals was to get married and stay married. But, I failed at it. I hope for better for my kids, though.
You didn't fail at it and it may not be over. Things could still turn around. IMO and I may get bashed for this, but IMO the one that chooses to leave instead of staying and trying to work on the M is the one that failed. The LBS if at least tried to make it work, did not fail.
Kevin
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
