Ok. Ya, at this point it is just best to learn from past mistakes and make changes for the better based on knowing what the past mistakes were. I agree with you.
So at what point do I finally convince you and 25 for that matter since yall are my toughest critics that I am learning from my mistakes and applying the lessons to a better future?
It is when you see boundaries going up in a productive way and holding true to them?
Is it when I finally take action on my own and file for D and drop W?
Is it when I separate the final accounts and not care how it affects the situation?
Is it when you see my attitude change all together about my current situation into a new attitude of just who cares anymore and moving on without looking back at W and doing 100% for myself without any given thought to W?
Is it all of the above? Am I on the right track as to what it takes to convince you and 25 as far as what I am saying/asking? Not that I am doing it to convince you, just trying to acknowlege and assume this is what you are trying to get me to based off our conversations.
Kevin
It is when you finally get a clue and answer most of these questions yourself ;-)
The day will come, I suspect today & tomorrow isn't it but the day will come when you know what you must do.
You will act instead of react towards your wife's actions.
You will take the lead role in your own life.
You will lead yourself out of limbo.
You will realize that you can detach and still love your wife but know that you have to love yourself just as much and probably more for any of this ever to work.
You have to believe in your own personal value and invest in your self-respect to the point where you know when someone is disrespecting you and you know that you have to speak up instead of being passive aggressive and let people know that they've crossed a boundary, they need to backup and not do the same mistake again.
You have to learn that you need to let go of the people that don't value you or the relationship they have with you. In fact doing this makes them wake up and realize that you finally get it, you know what this is all about now. If they don't want to be with you but you still want to be with them and you convey this via oral and/or body language, they'll know it and just feel sorry for you and they definitely won't feel attracted to you. Marital vows have nothing to do with this, you've killed the attraction and you currently continue to do things that maintain those attraction switches in an "OFF" position. When you value yourself enough to detach and move on, then you will finally learn to start flicking those switches back to an "ON" position.
But for you, that won't be today or tomorrow but I'm thinking that 2010 will possibly be a good year for you to learn - in fact achieving clarity will be your new years resolution.
