Set some boundaries and you will be much further along. You think "doing fine" is all about a house, job, car and retirement. It is not.
You just said your W wore the pants in the family for too long. She is still wearing them. It is time for you to wear your own.
Learn from your W. She is very good at setting boundaries. Off the top of my head here are some boundaries she has set in a very clear fashion:
I don't want you to call, text or IM me unless it is about the kids or money.
If you don't move out then I will have you removed from the home.
On Christmas she told you in a very civil way the only reason you were included in her family celebrations was for the children (co-parenting) and because your kids didn't want you to be alone (pity). She knows you are searching for any crumb so she felt the need to clearly spell out to you that the two hugs she gave you on Christmas meant nothing more than two human beings hugging on a holiday.
All I am attempting to do here is to exhibit to you that until you start setting boundaries and acting like a man and commanding respect and equality then things won't change.
I understand one parent needing to stay behind to finish a job and the hardships that can put on a family when small children, a move and a new school are involved. I also understand the need to meet deadlines for school registrations. However you allowed your W to take the lead on things that PARTNERS should be doing together. You can't change the past but you can learn from it. In the case of her just signing the lease you could have said to her..."W: I understand deadlines for establishing residency and school registrations for the children but I feel it's best to have both our names on the lease for OUR home.. go ahead and fax me the docs and I will sign them and fax them back right away".
That doesn't mean you are preparing for a divorce. It means you are telling your W you want to be equal partners with her when it comes to all parts of life. A big part of family life is the home you live in (and that home could be a rental house or a paper box) and right off the bat you were comfortable with not being a part of that due to a few administrative obstacles.
