You have an answer for everything on the surface but you fail to see the root issue that barricades every aspect of your life.
If we can see it (strangers) and clearly your W sees it why can't you?
Again, setting boundaries is not about "ditching" anybody, finding somebody else, being mean or defending your stance. Until you really understand that AND implement the mindset I am not sure anything will ever change for YOU as a man.
I don't have the answers for everything. I am just trying to explain my mindset and thoughts as I work through them.
Kevin
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
OMG, Kevin!!!! Quit worrying about the impact on her!!!!!!
I know Drew, it is something I have to get past.
Kevin
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
Let's say your daughter gets a full scholarship to a college in another state. Will you cling on to her and not "set her free" all in the name of love? Or will you "set her free" in the name of love so she can have the space and opportunity to create a great life for herself?
And before you come back with a surface answer stop and think. Take a day or two if need be.
Kevin, have you ever thought about seeing a counselor?
I am seeing a C. I haven't seen her the past couple of weeks due to schedules and Christmas. Our next appointment is Tuesday January 5th.
Kevin
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
Let's say your daughter gets a full scholarship to a college in another state. Will you cling on to her and not "set her free" all in the name of love? Or will you "set her free" in the name of love so she can have the space and opportunity to create a great life for herself?
And before you come back with a surface answer stop and think. Take a day or two if need be.
I have thought about this many times in the past and came to the conclusion a long time ago that where ever she wants to get her education is fine with me as long as it is the best possible solution for her and her future.
Kevin
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
Again, you are allowing your W to control your thoughts and that is very clear seeing how you have obsessed and worried about what impact tending to your OWN finances would have on HER?
Reverse that. What impact does NOT tending to YOUR OWN finances have on you?
Bottom line.. why would you WANT to share finances with a woman that won't let you live in your own home even though she wanted out, sleeps with other men and has no respect for you? Think about that for two weeks and get back to me.
Exactly my point. Your W has told you multiple times in both words and actions that she thinks the best possible future for HER is to NOT be married to you.
If you love your W so much why not offer her the same thing you would offer your daughter as per your post above... "she is making the best possible decision as she sees fit for her future". Your W has done the SAME thing, you just don't like it.
