Wife wants best of both worlds

[MHL]

I think that depends on what you consider "moving on" to be for you. Moving on for your W is obviously establishing a new R with OM. For you moving on may be acceptance of the sitch as painful as it may be and trying to find some peace in that. It does not have to mean that you need to get out there and meet someone new and establish a new R just b/c your W did.

IMHO, you can be friendly with her and still DB. I read so many threads here where the LBS has to harbor so much ill will for their WAS and I don't know that is the key to DBing. I have read DB, DR, and the Bilble and I think the key to mending any R that is broken is loving the person despite the pain they have cause us. "Hate the sin, Love the Sinner", I am already seeing positive responses in my W since I have been showing her love (friendship) instead of the cold shoulder. It is confusing to her b/c she knows what she did/is doing is wrong but yet this person (me) still likes her. I am starting to see the walls come down, I am thinking the remorse, guilt, sorry will follow in time but until then patience and consistency is the role we have to play.

I don't pretend to know what to do b/c I am doing all this at the same time also and I know others (maybe many) will disagree with my approach but if what you are currently doing is not working, try something else. What do you have to lose? FWIW I hope this helps or at least gives you another option.