I think what all of us want you to really try and understand and implement is changing the way you view things.
Yes, obtaining a better job will improve your future in a monetary sense but did you ever stop to think the reason you don't have a better paying job is in large part due to some issues you have not yet addressed?
You stated you knocked your socks off to give your girls a good holiday. In the same sentence you also stated your W didn't seem to notices. That is the exact reason so many of us try and point out to you that EVERY action you take seems to come back to your W and what she will think. Please don't come back with some justification or excuse - there isn't one and your words are out there for all to see.
You and your children are NOT at the mercy of your W and her decisions. You and the children *are* a family and an in tact one at that. You don't need your W to create a family, you have the power to do that all on your own.
You always claim to have so much on your plate but IMO those "things" are all outside things and the core issues you struggle with still very much exist. Your W has so much power over you it is alarming. How can you create any sort of R with a person that has so much control over you? What you fail to realize is the *only* way to even begin to think about creating a new R is NOT allow her to have that control over you. She knows she can control you so she does. It is old hat to her. How can you be so dedicated to a woman that has no respect for you as a man?
You are like a sponge - you soak up any bit of attention she gives you in hopes she will realize how "nice" you are and come back. Has that worked? It has not. You equate standing your ground as a man with being mean and it quite simply is not the case.
On Christmas Eve when she came to your apartment to prepare the gifts for the children you described to us in great detail how she was shivering and asked you to warm her up. IMO you holding her did nothing but prove to her that you would still offer affection while she was sleeping with other men. I would have looked at her like she was from Mars, winked at her and said in a flirty and sexy way "sorry babe, wouldn't want to confuse you with affection, the blankets are in the linen closet". So what if she stomped her feet and pouted? In fact, her stomping her feet and pouting would have given you the perfect opportunity to use on of RobX's lines about not tolerating her crappy behavior.
A new house, a new job or any other "outside" factor will not change what really needs to be changed. I hope one day you truly realize that.
