Praying for Light at the end of the Tunnel

[kjensen]

Had a nice dinner out with my daughters last night. Today we did some errands and then went to the Denver Zoolights. I had asked H if he wanted to join us last week and he bailed at the last minute(as did we since it was so cold). Today H called to ask a question about reordering his prescription and I mentionned we were going to the zoo tonight. I'd not made my mind up about asking him if he wanted to join us til just then...

H said he wasn't feeling well and went home early to nap. He'd asked when we decided to go to the zoo (the night before) and wondered why I hadn't let him know sooner...Anyway he didn't end up joining us and we had a good time on our own. He asked D12 to email him pics, so I just did(so he'll see what he missed).

Today is the one year anniversary of "the Bomb". Not sure if H is aware, but I am. I'm a long way from where I was last year. Much stronger, more confident, skinnier. But I think its sad that here we are about(possibly) to get divorced and I really don't think H is any happier since he moved out again. There is no other woman in the picture(per H) and his biggest/only complaint is (his perception)that we fight. My perception and my daughter's is that H gets mad(about anything and everything) and I listen but don't defend.

I think most of our communication issues come down to the difference in male/female communication. I'm reading Men are from Mars/Women are from Venus and its eye opening. I definitely fell into the trap of not "getting" my husband, and therefore not giving him the support and validation he so desperately needed in our relationship. For that I have alot of regret.

H did say on the phone today, that we need to keep communicating. Not avoiding or ignoring-his words. This is his conclusion of what we need to do since our last "fight" a few days ago. So I think going dim/dark may not work at the moment b/c he'll see it has something negative or a game. So as long as he's civil I will keep the lines open.