You were married to this man a short time and In that short lived marriage, you felt uneasy and distrustful and turns out, for good reason.You are the aggrieved party; he's the perpetrator of the main events.
... asked me what it would take for me to really trust him again or know he is serious. ... I look at my list and say there is no way in heck exh is capeable or even would want to do those things.
So, it does look like I have my answer.
Yes...it does. I'll ponder your questions re:how to stay on message and on track with your life and not get derailed. If you put it in writing, and I have mixed feelings about the necessity of this b/c honestly, what's there to say? But if you were to write it out, it cannot MUST NOT exceed a paragraph. It just shuts them down and the wordier you are, the more detailed ===the more there will be something in there to object to or disagree with. So I would keep it so short and sweet... Perhaps something to the effect of
"X h, we are the lucky parents of a beautiful baby girl, and I'm sure we both have the same goal in raising her: i.e., her growing up knowing two people love her. But we are not married anymore. We're both moving on. So, let's work out a way for us to "co-parent" as well as we can, while also leading separate lives. This means setting boundaries that are respected and abided by, b/c otherwise, too many lines get crossed and that leads to misunderstanding, and anger. And that is counter productive to our goal."
Just a thought. See if it feels authentic to you. Whatever your message is, you will very very likely need to repeat it to him numerous times AND to yourself on a daily basis. Let it be your mantra when it comes to dealing with your h and ask yourself, "is this actions/event consistent with my goal?" If it's not, don't do it. Good luck, J-
ps Setting boundaries is not an angry act, but breaking them can lead to anger. So don't let him bait you. You're NOT being mean...don't let him revise reality.
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
