So, i was almost ready to go OUT and watch the football game. hadnt received a phone call so i should have been safe...nope h and girls come through the door...
will leave the bs out...i will say my h opened up quite a bit as we talked ...
the things he told me and i will share when i have some more time...we talked about some of the things that got us where we are today.
i am breathing and feeling better. it was good to get some of it out, good to actually have reasons from him. most were justified. on both sides...
this is gonna sound mean and i DO NOT mean it that way...I have only seen my husband cry 3 times in 12 yrs...
when each baby girl was born and when we thought we were losing his father.
im not sure why i am feeling better it was very sad...seeing the 2 of us like this...
i know this is breaking the rules but i really felt it needed to be said so we could both hear and comment accordingly. even tho not much at all was said...
i told him i understand why he needs time to work on himself, I also need to do some more work on myself
i let him know that as much as i would like him to be home with us, that we both need to be sure we are ready
that neither one of us had a great up bringing and that our daughters deserve better from us
that no matter how much effort, work, sweat and tears need to go into it that our family deserves a chance
he didnt say much...commended me on what a great mother I am and also said i always put others first, that i dont need to do that ALL of the time
also commended me on quitting drinking, which i thought was far from his mind, it has been a loooong time...
im not certain any of this is good...or bad feels ok...
i told him that i would like us both to take some time, work on our issues seperately, then together. that I dont want to close our marital door...
instead of screaming, he said nothing. which the way i think i know him is ok,
i want to go full speed ahead back into ic, back into DR so that i start doing what i need to do...
he has ALWAYS been a follower, i hope if i can set the example and show the effort he'll be behind me...
thoughts??
maybe Xmas eve needed and did happen for a reason...
Last edited by lost1234; 12/27/0909:58 PM.
me 39 h 38 kids 9 and 6 h left 8/9/09 loving and devoted wife and mother still going...10 months later...
My thoughts? Heck, I'm impressed the two of you finally communicated.
I think your comments about the two of you needing time apart to work on your own issues was good.
"commended me on what a great mother I am and also said i always put others first, that i dont need to do that ALL of the time"
Are you listening? Yes, go ahead with DB'ng and GAL'ing... get him to watch the kids while you go out and enjoy yourself for a change. Not too often, but often enough!
EDIT: Oh, and please put in the BS... it helps figure out his state of mind
I am crying tears of joy! it has been such a hard couple of days.
the communication is such a move in the right direction. im gonna back off and keep my fingers crossed for some more!
ty Gnosis, my friend! if you were here ...im sending GREAT BIG BEAR HUGS!!!!!
G, the bs was that he was standoffish at first...started the blame game. i didnt bite. we have BOTH done wrong.
he told me that he took the girls w/o me to the show not to hurt me but so that i would understand how he feels not being with them. pure bs...i let it go, he still chose to walk out...
he did make some valid points about respect, being helpful and being a bit more social...i will work on those. i never knew they were issues.
he also said he understood why when he feels i am demanding, i feel i have no other way of getting through to him.
i told him that i was not very receptive of all he does to make me happy. the way he said it has escaped me. it wasnt nasty at all, just conversation...
im wondering how you are doing??
i do feel for each and everone that answers and helps me out! especially when in crisis mode!
I really need a few hrs to sit back and just watch something funny with my girls.
like i have been with all of you, i havent been much help to them either .
i will catch up on reading up, checking in and making lists tomorrow.
THANK YOU TO EVERYONE who has helped me through these past few days!
HUGS to all!
Last edited by lost1234; 12/27/0910:40 PM.
me 39 h 38 kids 9 and 6 h left 8/9/09 loving and devoted wife and mother still going...10 months later...
thank you! i sure hope so...no where near being out in the clear. not absolutely sure what exactly his silence meant...atleast he wasnt screaming any longer...
h did just call me. he went to a friend of ours, grandfathers funeral. we are in a small town...we all know each other.he was a great man.
wanted to tell girls goodnight, they were asleep...
he continues to fill me in on the funeral and what not. said he would talk to me tomorrow...
i do miss him!
i also have a lot of work to do!!
Last edited by lost1234; 12/28/0901:43 AM.
me 39 h 38 kids 9 and 6 h left 8/9/09 loving and devoted wife and mother still going...10 months later...
i have done a whole lot of crying, but i have also accomplished a whole lot... xmas trees down floors scrubbed presents put away
please let me know if this is a good idea...or bad. just need some positive reinforcement because everything i need to do goes AGAINST what i want to do...
this is so small but it is a start...
no contact is back to normal...as normal as it can possibly be.
the talk yesterday made me feel more...both good and bad. but ok.
i finally was able to get an appointment for the family counceling that has been suggested by her pediatrician and school...
i made sure to pick one that is pro family and pro marriage...i want to make sure that she knows some of what is happening is not always a bad thing...that it is worth it to keep trying...how much you can learn from your mistakes.espcially to help her with school, her anxiety and anger...this isnt her fault! she is a child and doesnt know what is going on or how to cope with it correctly.
my h said b4 that he would go...i still hope so. it may be good for all of us.
for the next few days, i plan on getting my house back to what it should be
it is a mess...literally. the physical part of it seems to be helping me and it is keeping me quite busy.
i want it to be warm and welcoming again...gonna take some hard work...it feels empty to me right now.
any thoughts or suggestions would be great. i am finding i am in a fragile state...shocked...whatever. just need to keep busy.
me 39 h 38 kids 9 and 6 h left 8/9/09 loving and devoted wife and mother still going...10 months later...
