K4D It's a Wonderful Life

[Startingover2]

You don't know what your kids think. You're projecting your feelings onto them.

Kevin, as counterintuitive to you as it may seem, your wife will not care until you don't care. Until you realize that, and people here have been pretty much telling you that for a long time, you'll be stuck.

I think even if I choose not to care, she still won't care. I don't think she will care either way.

Kevin

Then that's all the more reson to start living your life for YOU and YOUR DAUGHTERS. Period.

Sad..but true! If your actions won't affect W either way then why bother?

[Steve McQueen]

Thursday is New Years Eve.

Ask your Sushi Friend out for New Years Eve.

Ask her if she wants to try something hot and spicy and take her to a Korean restaurant.

[K4D]

Steve she already invited me to a friends birthday party for NYE. But I will be spending it with other fiends

[Steve McQueen]

Dump the fiends. pick up the girl.

theres got to be a good james bond line for here...

[Gnosis]

Dump the fiends. pick up the girl.
theres got to be a good james bond line for here...

Not JB, but...

If you can't do it for yourself, it's your duty to do it to for all the men and women out here routing for you.

Stand up and do your duty!

[jon2911]

Part of me right now feels like telling W if you sleep with OM this weekend, it is over and I am filing January 4th. But I know the other part of me tells me I will get over it even if she does as I always seem to get over it after initially being angry about it.

That's why I'm saying not to spend time on it. I understand what Antlers is saying, I'm not advocating putting your head in the sand. If you want, you can quiz your daughters about her every move. But does it really matter if this is a friendship, EA, or PA? As in, will your actions change?

It's up to you man, but from the above it seems you've made your choice. There are way too many stories on here and at one of my counselor's site, http://www.affairrecovery.com, to give up hope. Just IMO.

I spent so much time and energy snooping and trying to figure out how far my W went, before realizing that I'll still be fighting regardless. And I know now that one of the guys was just a platonic friendship. What a waste.

And this I do know: no affair will make your W happy. So which Kevin will she find when she finally realizes that?

[iwantittowork]

Just some thoughts for you Kev.

Either way, a better future starts with a better career path.

It can, but a better future starts with a change of attitude, beliefs and thoughts first.

I can't seem to let go of the feelings I have for her no matter how real the situation is that I am looking at.

In the words of one Yoda: "That is why you fail.."

For me to not care any longer would mean for me to also not care about what my kids want, need and is best for them which is an intact family that is healed and fixed.

No, that is NOT what your kids need, they need a strong and healed father, no matter what the family situation. You are projecting onto your kids, your feelings and wants. In addition, you still think you can CONTROL this situation, and you can not, and that is what is bothering you, and fear of the future. When you let both of those go, you can then start to move forward.

if someone can get over more than one A and still forgive and be willing to do what it takes reconcile, isn't it at least worth giving that person another shot to see if things can be fixed?

See, this here is still about control. You can get over the A's, but you don't get to control whether or not your STBXW will EVER want to reconcile. You don't even get to decide if it's worth giving it another shot yet, nor if anything can be 'fixed.'

There is nothing to be fixed currently, but yourself.

Until you get to the point above that you not only understand it, but then accept it, and then live it daily, you won't ever get to make these decisions, because you do not control them one iota.

[K4D]

Why not enjoy the evening with her for what it is and forget about "nothing more than just friends", even if it's not a date, why not pretend that it is, get in that mode of thinking, feel the vibe, feel the attraction, feel what it's like when a woman is attracted to you, enjoy it, be funny, make jokes, tease her a bit and stop thinking about the wife for one evening and don't put a damper on what could be a nice interaction with the opposite sex.

Robx, I will enjoy the evening with her. But she really is just a friend who is already dating other guys. Usually me and her and one other friend always go to sushi together. It’s a team thing for the evening. It just so happens that the 3rd friend is out of town this week and I was in the mood for sushi tonight and asked her if she wanted to go as well. She said yes. Kind of beats going by yourself. But I will enjoy the evening. Afterwards I have some other things I need to take care of. She will probably have her kids with her as they come now and then which is always cool with me. They are good kids.

If she won't care either way then why not do something different that could make your life better?

I am pretty sure your W doesn't think you are a bad person. If I had to guess it seems like she sees you as many of us here do.. needy, clingy, unable to move forward w/o your W, lacking excitement and unable to make simple decisions on your own.

I for the life of me cannot understand what you are "standing" for since your marriage no longer exists.

You telling your W you are going to file for a divorce if she sleeps with OM won't matter to her. Mainly because she knows you are all bark and no bite. When you are ready to file for divorce you will do so and tell her after the fact. You will be firm and civil about it but you will also be done and beyond saturated with getting nowhere in all parts of your life.

It baffles me how you can continue to see no results in your "standing" efforts and see no results in your personal life yet you refuse to even consider what many people are telling you.

CG, I am trying to do something different to make my life better. Hince, trying to get a better job that will give me more opportunities in life. I keep standing on faith that something will give at some point and a turn will occur. Ya, I know, all bark on the D and no action. That’s why I don’t say anything to her and I just keep my frustration to myself. I do consider what people are telling me and I am doing things for me.

Stick with your beliefs, your W needs to see that. But there's a way to do that and still shake things up and become more attractive.

Thinking back on the last two years of my sitch, the advice you're getting works. I didn't lie or try to drop hints, I was just out having fun. She got curious. I need to do that more.

Jon, agreed. I think SM is great at shaking things up with cocky humor and CG is great at shaking things up with boundaries and flirty mysterious humor. I would really like to improve in those areas.

Then that's all the more reson to start living your life for YOU and YOUR DAUGHTERS. Period.

Antlers, that is what I am trying to do. I put my all into Christmas and it appears to have not gotten my W even phased. Although Jon calls BS on that with her. But none the less, I am living my life for me and my daughters.

Sad..but true! If your actions won't affect W either way then why bother?

SO2, to be the best I can possibly be regardless of outward signs from W.

Dump the fiends. pick up the girl.

theres got to be a good james bond line for here...

SM, I looked for JB lines last night. I didn’t really find any that were worthy. You may have to help me out on that one.

If you can't do it for yourself, it's your duty to do it to for all the men and women out here routing for you.

Stand up and do your duty!

Gnosis, is this like doing my duty for my country? Do we have a DBing flag like we have an American flag that I can lead forth the charge with?

But does it really matter if this is a friendship, EA, or PA? As in, will your actions change?

It's up to you man, but from the above it seems you've made your choice. There are way too many stories on here and at one of my counselor's site, http://www.affairrecovery.com, to give up hope. Just IMO.
And this I do know: no affair will make your W happy. So which Kevin will she find when she finally realizes that?

Jon, I haven’t made a choice other than to pursue a better career path at this point to provide more options of enjoyment in life for me and my girls. Which Kevin will she find when she realizes that no A will make her happy? Geez, I’m wondering if she will ever realize that. She will find a great Kevin if she ever comes to realize that.

No, that is NOT what your kids need, they need a strong and healed father, no matter what the family situation. You are projecting onto your kids, your feelings and wants. In addition, you still think you can CONTROL this situation, and you can not, and that is what is bothering you, and fear of the future. When you let both of those go, you can then start to move forward.

Iwantittowork, I’m not sure where you get that I think I can control the situation. You baffle me with that one. I know I have no control over the situation. I know me and my family are at the mercy of what W decides as far as whether or not we will ever be together again. Now at the same time saying that, I am moving forward with my life and kids. I am not staying stuck. I have plenty on my plate to do.

See, this here is still about control. You can get over the A's, but you don't get to control whether or not your STBXW will EVER want to reconcile. You don't even get to decide if it's worth giving it another shot yet, nor if anything can be 'fixed.'

There is nothing to be fixed currently, but yourself.

Until you get to the point above that you not only understand it, but then accept it, and then live it daily, you won't ever get to make these decisions, because you do not control them one iota.

Iwantittowork, I acknowledged this. I have no control at all over the situation or W’s decisions. I am simply left with the fate of whatever she decides. My kids are left with the same fate as to whether or not they will have their family back intact based off of what W solely decides.

In the mean time, I have a fun yet busy week planned ahead for me some nights and my kids some nights. I had a good night last night with my friends at a separate birthday party than the one my lady friend is inviting me to. I got told I should take some additional dance lessons with the group I was with last night. I might. We will see. I am also scheduling business meetings with my group of guys to keep that moving along in the right direction.

I have to say that with the way I am dressing these days, I ain’t looking half bad. I have to get back to the gym though. Kind of slacked off there for the holidays. I am fighting some kind of cold yesterday and today. I took 1000mg of vitamin C last night and then again this morning. I also took claritan D.

James Bond lines. I kind of like the Johnny Bravo lines better. Maybe I should start practicing those. He always gets slapped for his.

Kevin

[K4D]

Johnny Bravo pick up lines. This guy may never get a date, but gotta love his stuff.

"(shoom)Hey, how'd you like to watch the show in 3-D, sweet thing?"

"Say there, pretty air mama, didn't you see me in your dreams last night?"

"Hey babearilla, that a pretty eensie-weensie, teeny-weenie polka-dot thingy you got going there."

"Come and get it, ladies. I'm yours for the takin'!"

"Hey all you hot mamas. Wanna talk to a steamin' hunk of cyber fella?"

"Hey there, cutie pants. Am I as studly as the Statue of David, or what?"

"Oh, baby! I'm going to make your dreams come true!"

"(whoosh) Hya! Dreamy hunk, right here!"

"You wanna frisk me?"

"Wanna get lost with me (whoosh)?"

"Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily, let's roll in the hay."

"I'm gonna say, 'Hey hot mama, wanna go back to my place for a game of Twister?"

Lady: "How many times do I have to tell you I have a boyfriend?!" Johnny: "Well,you look like the kind of girl that could use two."

"I bet your name's Mickey, 'cause you're so fine. You're so fine...(whack)."

"Hey there, foxy hygiene girl. (whoosh) I love a babe with minty breath."

"All right. I guess that makes me the object of desire, huh baby?"

Johnny: "Excuse me, miss." Lady: "(gasp!)" Johnny: "How'd youlike to paint the town red with a happenin' hipster?"

"Hey there, miss. I'm Johnny B. Wanna spend the day with me?"

"Whoa. Man, you're pretty!"

"Hey there, Spanish seniorita. Sprechen se love?"

(at computer)"Hey there, smart mama."

"(sniff, sniff) You smell kinda pretty. Wanna smell me?"

"Say, how 'bout you and me sharin' a soda right now?"

"You're steamin' baby! You too. And you. And you, pretty man. Oh man, time flies when you're having fun."

"Hello, hotline. You're boyfriend left ya'? Why, what are you wearin'?"

Kevin

[K4D]

Another good line.

'MAN, IT MUST BE GREAT BEING YOU WATCHING ME'

hehehe,

Kevin