I agree with you both. It has just been a painful decision to reach. He is not cake eating in the true sense because we are just room mates now. I am at the point where I actually don't want him. As I said, it was a painful step to acknowledge the end of a dream.
Kara,
I understand b/c I went through the same thing. And, my W and I have been roomates since the bomb. So, I know.
(((Kara)))) Just stopping by to see how you are doing. Sorry to hear your H is continuing down this path and is making your decision clearer and clearer. It truly is the end of a a dream, and that is sad. But, you have been so amazingly strong and you know you are the better woman! You are right about your comment re: what kind of class of woman does this... it is pathetic. My H is now finally realizing what kind of person his OW really was, and the realizations sometimes literally sicken him. good. they should. If your H can't see that, you don't need a man like that in your life. Rise above this girl! You are going to be more than fine! Your H has lost a treasure, a woman of invaluable worth. Too bad for him, but you go on and live out the life that is meant for YOU!
How are you girls doing? You shoulda seen the shoes I was rocking today....oh yeah!!!
It is crystal clear that this is an emotionaly toxic situation and something my H said recently is making me think that he is beginning to get that. I have actually made myself physically ill this past week and that was a wake up call for me.
My H and I have both behaved in emotionally immature ways this past year. I have to learn to control my anger as I have a very sarcastic and cutting tongue when I am angry. I am working on it!!! I see where I have not helped things but may have indeed escalated them. I truly regret many of the things I have said to my H. This is not to take all the blame on myself but to acknowledge that I have more work to do than I thought. I have to get to the point where my emotions do not control me. I have never mastered this. I am the type to give into emotions very easily and when I am angry it is very hard to hold my tongue. I would never be physically violent but I have been told that my woords cut very deep. When more than one person tells you that you start to wonder...
I don't like the snooping that I engaged in this year as well It can be useful to gather intel but you have to know when to stop and it is behaviour which can become addictive. Another toxic cycle that must be broken. Although I spent a year talking about DBing, emotionally I haven't been in a place where I could realistically have reengaged in a mature and meaningful R with my H.
Yes, I am happy to walk away from 2009. I need to rise above it all and rid myself of some of my toxic patterns. This is my work for the foreseeable future. I am a treasure but I recognize tha I need to ensure that I do not become scarred and paranoid and unable to have an emotionally healthy and mature relationship with a deserving man. We derive positives from our DB experience but we can also become battle scarred.
This may seem inexplicable to some after all that has happened but because of what I have seen God do in people's lives I could never rule out the possibility that my H and I could make it work. To be sure I think we have both hurt each other by actions and behavior than we could ever have thought possible but God's redeeming grace and power is capable of doing things that we cannot imagine.
This is who my H is right now. He doesn't have to be that person forever. Same goes for me.
My task is to make myself the kind of emotionally stable and secure woman I know I should be. And in my spare time to keep buying fly shoes!!! (Do people still say "fly"?). Right now I don't feel in limbo anymore. I feel like I have taken a hard cold look at the facts and the options and I will know when and what to do when the time is right. That is good enough for me.
OK, I am just rambling now. And there is no alcohol to blame it on. Just 100 % KARA.
When we last left off, Kara's husband was driving away from the ranch for his Christmas break , having declared that HE HAD DECIDED that he couldn't spend Christmas at the ranch and that he would be leaving on x date and returning on y date. Kara said "O.k. have a fun trip. happy holidays and all that good stuff"
And so Mr. Kara went off after a hug from Kara and her very best wishes for a great Christmas. Kara was smelling great and looking better. Mr. Kara emailed periodically from Parts Unknown to say hi, how ya doin". Kara replied that she was doin just fine thank you. Never once did she ask where are you, hon. Never once did she pick up the phone to call him and burst into the old country and western classic " My man left at Christmas".
Meanwhile, back at the ranch Kara Worked on Herself. She had thought that The Work was done, but realised that it never is. She sought to free herself from toxic behavior and unhook herself from The Saga of 2009. Determined to enter 2010 in a positive frame of mind, unshackled from the bad soap opera like drama in which she found herself, she used the remaining days of 2009 to Focus, Pray and Get Positive.
Kara noticed in a somewhat detached way that she was alive, men found her attractive and she had survived. She was without the very presence of the one whom she had deemed essential and still she survived. Kara DECIDED that her motto for 2010 would be " I rise again in 2010 ". Cheesy, yes but...
Call her stupid, but despite it all Kara still wanted her M to work if possible. But THIS TIME, she was determined not to pursue. Not to touch the hot stove. Not to beg. If it was worth anythng it had to come from Mr. Kara. Sure SHE HAD DECIDED this before but something felt different this time. Maybe it was the collective experiences of the year. Perhaps she had been burnt by the stove one too many times. Maybe she was different. Maybe she had found that peace that passeth all understanding.
Kara reealized that 2010 would be a BIG YEAR. LIMBO could not continue for another year. S
Right, LIMBO could not continue for another year. But strangely enough,at the moment she felt no pressure to do anything. She was content to live her life and enjoy it. Strange, but true.
