K4D It's a Wonderful Life

[K4D]

But that doesn't mean you can't adopt a more badass attitude, which is what everyone is trying to get at.

I know it. It is just a matter of being able to learn how to pull it off like SM and others so that it is real and comes out right and not some other way that backfires on me.

Kevin

[K4D]

I suppose the attitude is what makes it real. The attitude is what is important. I get it.

Kevin

[Drew]

For me to not care any longer would mean for me to also not care about what my kids want, need and is best for them which is an intact family that is healed and fixed.

You don't know what your kids think. You're projecting your feelings onto them.

Kevin, as counterintuitive to you as it may seem, your wife will not care until you don't care. Until you realize that, and people here have been pretty much telling you that for a long time, you'll be stuck.

[K4D]

For instance,

Part of me right now feels like telling W if you sleep with OM this weekend, it is over and I am filing January 4th. But I know the other part of me tells me I will get over it even if she does as I always seem to get over it after initially being angry about it. I calm back down and I just get over it and continue to hope for a break through in this.

Let me ask you something, if someone can get over more than one A and still forgive and be willing to do what it takes reconcile, isn't it at least worth giving that person another shot to see if things can be fixed? I mean, can I be that bad of a person if I can live through this and still be willing to forgive and fix things to have our M and family reconciled?

Kevin

[K4D]

You don't know what your kids think. You're projecting your feelings onto them.

Kevin, as counterintuitive to you as it may seem, your wife will not care until you don't care. Until you realize that, and people here have been pretty much telling you that for a long time, you'll be stuck.

I get this. But I also know my W is not quite like other W's. I think even if I choose not to care, she still won't care. I don't think she will care either way.

Kevin

[K4D]

Well,

I have a meeting with my priest tonight, then a birthday dinner to attend with friends.

Tomorrow night I am meeting a lady friend who is 36 who is D'd and I will be honest, attractive, who keeps pushing me to go out and date as she has chosen to do. She is one of my sushi buddies that I do dinner with every couple of weeks with another friend who is out of town right now. But we are nothing more than friends. I think she has a soft spot for me and my situation since she kind of went through the same thing.

Wednesday night I get my girls so W can go to dinner with her friends and OM.

Thursday is New Years Eve.

Friday and the rest of the weekend I have my girls.

Kevin

[robx]

Kev are you saying you're going out to eat some fish tonight?

;-)

sorry I couldn't resist

Your lady friend who is divorced and attractive is going out with you because she has a soft spot for kind, sensitive guys - it happens, possibly because she's been with a jerk for quite some time and wants to try something a little different.

Why not enjoy the evening with her for what it is and forget about "nothing more than just friends", even if it's not a date, why not pretend that it is, get in that mode of thinking, feel the vibe, feel the attraction, feel what it's like when a woman is attracted to you, enjoy it, be funny, make jokes, tease her a bit and stop thinking about the wife for one evening and don't put a damper on what could be a nice interaction with the opposite sex.

Have FUN!

(I had to spell it out just in case you didn't get that part)

[CityGirl]

If she won't care either way then why not do something different that could make your life better?

I am pretty sure your W doesn't think you are a bad person. If I had to guess it seems like she sees you as many of us here do.. needy, clingy, unable to move forward w/o your W, lacking excitement and unable to make simple decisions on your own.

I for the life of me cannot understand what you are "standing" for since your marriage no longer exists.

You telling your W you are going to file for a divorce if she sleeps with OM won't matter to her. Mainly because she knows you are all bark and no bite. When you are ready to file for divorce you will do so and tell her after the fact. You will be firm and civil about it but you will also be done and beyond saturated with getting nowhere in all parts of your life.

It baffles me how you can continue to see no results in your "standing" efforts and see no results in your personal life yet you refuse to even consider what many people are telling you.

You have to try new things. I started out with trying new things with a group of people I am very comfortable with. Then I made new friends. Then I tried stuff I never thought about trying because life is too short to miss out. I love the freedom I have and it would take a hell of a dude to get me to choose just one! I am loving my new life because I decided I was sick of being sad, stressed out, ill and a host of other things that I just grew very tired of. It was all self inflicted.

[jon2911]

Kevin,
I hear you man. Stick with your beliefs, your W needs to see that. But there's a way to do that and still shake things up and become more attractive.

Thinking back on the last two years of my sitch, the advice you're getting works. I didn't lie or try to drop hints, I was just out having fun. She got curious. I need to do that more.

[antlers]

You don't know what your kids think. You're projecting your feelings onto them.

Kevin, as counterintuitive to you as it may seem, your wife will not care until you don't care. Until you realize that, and people here have been pretty much telling you that for a long time, you'll be stuck.

I think even if I choose not to care, she still won't care. I don't think she will care either way.

Kevin

Then that's all the more reson to start living your life for YOU and YOUR DAUGHTERS. Period.