If she won't care either way then why not do something different that could make your life better?
I am pretty sure your W doesn't think you are a bad person. If I had to guess it seems like she sees you as many of us here do.. needy, clingy, unable to move forward w/o your W, lacking excitement and unable to make simple decisions on your own.
I for the life of me cannot understand what you are "standing" for since your marriage no longer exists.
You telling your W you are going to file for a divorce if she sleeps with OM won't matter to her. Mainly because she knows you are all bark and no bite. When you are ready to file for divorce you will do so and tell her after the fact. You will be firm and civil about it but you will also be done and beyond saturated with getting nowhere in all parts of your life.
It baffles me how you can continue to see no results in your "standing" efforts and see no results in your personal life yet you refuse to even consider what many people are telling you.
You have to try new things. I started out with trying new things with a group of people I am very comfortable with. Then I made new friends. Then I tried stuff I never thought about trying because life is too short to miss out. I love the freedom I have and it would take a hell of a dude to get me to choose just one! I am loving my new life because I decided I was sick of being sad, stressed out, ill and a host of other things that I just grew very tired of. It was all self inflicted.
