Take a deep breath. Did you do lamaze for childbirth.
Didn't you say in one of your earlier posts that it takes two years of counseling to get a D in your state. Stop fearing it. It is only a piece of paper. Are you scared of a piece of paper? There are marriages that reconcile the day before the final D decree. I know of people that have R after being D for a few years. I agree with you that it can be scary but you have to get yourself to a place that you don't fear it. Your H can sense your fear and he is using it against you and your children. A 180 for you is to get over your fear so that your H can not use it against you. Put it on your list.
In reality he may not have it all together enough to file. He is depressed. I know that you think detaching and NC are not going to work. But it will! Maybe you are depressed, certainly you are under stress! Are you going for counseling for yourself? Maybe you should get on some AD's. I am on them. It helps relieve the stress.
I have to go home now, I am at work. I'll try to check in later.
