My therapist says that I have to start investing my energy in myself at this point. I kind of tie that with the lack of respect my W has for me right now (the fact that she thinks she has to take care of me) because there are some things I need to accomplish for myself right now that I have drug my feet on. I have a good career but I am also working on a graduate degree part time. I have felt no rush to finish this because we are financially OK but my W feels that I am not being proactive enough. I am a very active and physically fit person but I have not lost this lingering 20-30 pounds of weight even though I always talk about doing it. I started a major house project a couple of years ago and have yet to finish it. I think I need to start focusing on these because they are good for me and maybe it will help my W reclaim some of her respect for me by seeing me accomplish what I set out to do. I'm no slouch but she is very action-oriented and goal-driven so I probably need to up my game.
I also need to develop more friendships outside of our M, not only for GAL, but to take the pressure off of her to be my emotional center.
I need to show her real action on these things and quit having my pain and frustration sabotage me. I want to bust her A so that she might be able to open her heart to me again but not sure what else to do other than trying to show her real change. I laid down my boundaries about OM back in October but didn't really establish consequences. I think letting her know the other night that the A with the OM might ultimately threaten our friendship was my attempt to start bringing some potential consequences into light.
How do you think I should proceed? I only know that most of what I did over the past 5 months has not worked but as you said, maybe I am expecting it to work quickly which is unreasonable.
Patience perhaps? Oh, and also MC and was even thinking of trying a DB coaching session.
