Any advice as to how I can turn this part around and make her not feel so [pressured. Also, I told her not to tell me she loved me anymore. Feel bad about that too. How do I turn that around, so that if she feels she needs to say it, she will know it is ok, after I told her not too....
The more "relaxed" that you are.....the more she will begin to feel at ease. The longer you can go without saying another word about her A or the way she is doing about "anything"....the less pressure she will feel.
BTW, saying what you did about the A to draw a boundary is not wrong. Brow-beating, shame,guilt, preaching, and anything to cause her to feel bad about herself is not the way to go with a WAW. Just wanted to make that part understood. You had to say something about the A/OM to draw a boundary, but you should not have to bring it up again unless she asks to come back home and she doesn't willingly tell you that the OM is out of the picture. I think she would, but just in case...you'll know that would be the only time to repeat anything about not sharing her with any other man. She knows where you stand.
I don't know the tone of voice you had when you told her not to say ILY anymore, so that would depend on your attitude at the time. If she heard the hurt in your voice, then she knew that was why you said it, but if you were angry.....then only time can heal that completely. If the R heals to the place that the two of you are "dating" each other...then hopefully you will have the right opportunity to tell her that you were upset when you said that and that you want to take that back. However, don't tell her right now b/c it would make you look to "needy".
Pat, if we could just learn to keep our tongues under control....wouldn't we be so much better? I bet you are a wonderful person, but when it comes to your tongue...is that your downfall? That old saying of how we hurt the people we love the most.....is so true. I think we probably treat the people we love the worst of anyone. I pray that you will get a second chance to prove to her how much you love her. Your answer to my questions made my heart melt. You know, maybe God is giving you this time to "learn" how to control your talk better and to learn how to "show" her how much you really love her (when she comes back home). We always find these things out after we lose something/somebody very precious to us.
A new year is almost here. Time to start working at being the best man you've ever been in your entire life! You can do it.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
