First, what you did with your two children to give them a real Christmas was wonderful. As much as you feel betrayed, imagine how they must feel! Your WAW will always be their mother and so you need to put up a brave front in front of them. You WAW who has served you with divorce papers and has an OM with whom she is having a PA, is a flawed human being, but you still need to not speak ill of her infront of your kids. You will be tempted to tell you kids how bad she has been to you, but don't. It will just hurt them and damage their future chance of a good relationship when they marry.
My second thought/suggestion is that if you don't like the advice you are getting from your attorney, tell them that and ask them why they are saying that and if there is someone else they would recommend if they can't convince you they are acting in your best interest. In saying this I would listen very carefully to what they say. For example you have indicated that you have a drinking problem and you should possibly consider treatement for it. If so, get treatement! Your position in the divorce may be real vulnerable and your attorney may be suggesting what she considers to be the best positions you should strive for. She may be thinking that by paying the mortgage you will have a better chance at either custody or shared custody. Probably shared custody is the best you can hope for considering their age and some of the "fixable problems" you have admitted. Again, ask your attorney why and listen carefully and make sure she explains the why to you in a way that you understand. One of the hard and cruel truths about marital problems is that both partners have had some role in causing the problem. While she is the one who had the affair, she probably would not have sought such attension outside of marriage, unless you weren't giving her something she needed. It is a real break-through when you recognize that you are part of the problem. In your opening post, you implied that you realized that you had some fixable problems, but haven't yet fixed them.
My third thought/suggestion is to focus on making your life happy for you and by you and to focus on your kids and their happiness. You need to figure out what is going to make you happy that doesn't involve your WAW who served you with divorce papers. Take an exercise class at a gym or local community college. Get some used bicyles at Goodwill or the Salvation Army and go bicyling with you and your two kids. Take them for walks. Get a puppy that will provide them with unconditional love that they need and that you need. Figure out how to be happy and make your kids happy without your WAW.
Good luck to you.
Last edited by Young at Heart; 12/28/0909:32 PM.
>43 years of marriage--My wife and I are now closer than we have been in decades. I believe that my SSM is over.
