A Choice

[patpat]

do you mean to tell me that you thought she was literally speaking about the house and how tidy it was or wasn't?

No... I have been cleaning the house because I live alnoe now. She use to do it. I use to offer to help her with things but she would always say "I got it". I just though she would like the fact that I was doing these things until she returns.

Your W dreads going into your house b/c she does not feel relaxed and she doesn't know when you are going to spring into action and "attack" the A, and it is a source of bad memories for her when you were not talking so nice to her. Didn't you say that she use to feel that you talked rather condesending? Maybe I am thinking about another person, but I think you said something about how you had not always treated her very nice.

Once again, you are correct. Absolutely. I was not thinking straight. I know how I need to speak to her next time she comes by... Thank you S2

Does it make you feel justified when you say things to cause her to hang her head?

No, it does not. I did not know she was going to hang her head. I thought I was doing the right thing by telling her that the A had to stop if she wanted or was thinking about coming home. I just thought I was doing the right thing. I love her. Surprisingly more now than ever before. I never wanted to hurt her feelings (EVER). But it happening. I am mad that I did not see this sooner. I hate myself for allowing my R and my life to get to this point. But I did not attack her to feel justified. I just thought she might go, hey yeah, ya know your right. I'll just move right back in.... I don't know!

Any advice as to how I can turn this part around and make her not feel so [pressured. Also, I told her not to tell me she loved me anymore. Feel bad about that too. How do I turn that around, so that if she feels she needs to say it, she will know it is ok, after I told her not too....

Just full on mistakes these last 3 days.....

How long are you willing to wait?

FOREVER!

What is it worth?

EVERYTHING

How valuable is she to you?

I value her more than the air I breathe. I have dreamt of nothing but her since I was 13 years old. I know nothing else, I desire only her smile, I...

She is everything to me. Choosing to love her, even thru all this, is still the best choice I have ever made.