Wife lost her love for me - my story

[TomLost Love]

First time I'm posting here - but I have been reading many posts already here.

I'm 47, my wife is 46, married 25 years this past September.
Three children - Son 23, Daughter 21 and Daughter 11

Don't know where to start - I guess I got blindsided in Sept right after our anniversary that my wife was not happy, sad in her life, didn't think it was me, but needed time to sort things out. By Oct - she asked me to move out - I spend a few nights away, but because of financial issues, I couldn't get a separate place, so I ended up sleeping elsewhere in the house (basement, living room couch, etc.).

She has indicated she defintely wants a Legal Separation and wants a break for a year to see where we are at that point to decide whether to divorce or not. She freely admits that she doesn't know what she wants at this point, but she knows she doesn't want me to touch her, nor anyone else to touch her either. (She used to absolutely love back rubs in bed at night).

She got REALLY big into Facebook, and in retrospect, a year later, that is where I am realizing she detached herself from me, found many friends she grew up with from 30-40 years ago, and began to spend large chunks of her time online and on Facebook.

Major contributing facter we both agree on: our 23 year old son is a prescription drug addict, and has had arrests, car accidents, hospital episodes (one a close call with overdosing to death), in and out patient rehabs, counseling sessions, lost jobs, fighting and outbursts in our home, broken windows and doors, called us terrible words, blamed us, defied us, embarrassed us, etc.

There is no doubt in my mind that she has lost part of herself because of him, she even told me just days ago that she feels like a failure as a mother when she looks at him.

He relapsed in July and was in jail, rehab and then a sober living house until Thanksgiving, when he returned to our home and brought his anger and fighting into the middle of an already delicate situation between my wife and I.

He is doing better, but there is no doubt he raises the anxiety level tenfold with just his presence and the experience we have all had with his addiction.

We have put up our house for sale with the intention of paying down our debt, splitting the remainder, and getting two apartments, one for the girls and one for my son and I (not sure if I can deal with him anymore either, so a third apartment might come into the plan....)

So Step 1 - remove him from our home as soon as I can, before the sale if possible, to get that stress out of her life and the girls as much as possible

Step 2 - remove myself (not probable until the sale of our home given our finances)

Step 3 - give her the space she needs and the Separation she desires and see where we are in a year.

I should note that I was doing ALL the wrong things, begging her to reconsider, crying, lost puppy dog around the house, sending emails, little gifts, flowers on her pillow, love notes, asking who was texting her or answering her on email, etc. I realize I made more damage and that I need to do a 180 asap.

I'm sure I'm leaving many details out, but thats where I am. I do love her, I do believe she is hurting inside from the events in our child's life, did not agree with me along the way how things should've been handled with him, and in the process, lost her feelings and love.

Difficult situation - but I'm living it and trying to do whats right for my wife, and of course the kids as well. Any comments or feedback would be welcomed - I am trying to come to terms with all of this, and am much better mental place than I was months ago. Trying to stay strong for all.......