W told me that our house is a source of pain for her, and that is why she does not come in sometimes. I asked her what she expected from me and she said "No Pressure"...
What is she really saying?
I have made the house as comfortable as I know to do.... it is clean and neat. She should love that as I was not someone who regularly did house work.... go figure.
Pat, do you mean to tell me that you thought she was literally speaking about the house and how tidy it was or wasn't?
Your W dreads going into your house b/c she does not feel relaxed and she doesn't know when you are going to spring into action and "attack" the A, and it is a source of bad memories for her when you were not talking so nice to her. Didn't you say that she use to feel that you talked rather condesending? Maybe I am thinking about another person, but I think you said something about how you had not always treated her very nice.
Does it make you feel justified when you say things to cause her to hang her head? As a former WAW, I can tell you that you are not making points when you do that. It is not bringing her home one minute faster. She apparently put up with things she was not happy about for a long time.....and now you want this stuff to be over with right now.
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My God, how long is this sh!t gonna last.... I just don't want to have to deal with it anymore.
That depends on a lot of things......but mostly it depends upon you. How long are you willing to wait? What is it worth? How valuable is she to you?
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
