Wife wants best of both worlds

[MHL]

I do not know to much about the OM. I know they use to work together (she was his boss), he is 11 years younger and has been divorced (no kids...I think). A couple of weeks ago I made the mistake of talking about him with her...I was really upset. She told me he is attentive and sweet to her and is exactly what she needs after the roller coaster ride we were on.

You need to be better than him, you need to find out what else it is that she likes about him. I don't mean that from a perspective of snooping to confront her on all his faults but what are you up against. You are in a competition for your wife, it sucks but that is where you are at. You have to show her that you are better at being attentive and sweet. I just finished "The 5 Love Languages" by Gary Chapman, I highly suggest this it is a short read and you should be able to identify her "love language" and start speaking it to her. It was very eye openning for me.

I think you can still save your marriage, you got to believe that or you are wasting your time. Saving your marriage is what is best for your kids. You would probably do anything for your kids wouldn't you? I know I would and I am, people say all the time that they would die for thier kids but they won't suck up their pride when thier spouse has been unfaithful or leaves the marriage. That's the way I look at it, I am doing this for the kids, and my W. I hope to look back at this one day and say I did more than most people would do for their kids or spouses.

I think you got 2 things going for you right now that are positives in your sitch. 1. Your W has not told the kids about OM. Why? Is she embarrassed? Knows that it is morally wrong what she is doing? Doesn't want to hurt the kids? What matters is she is hesitating and that means she at least is not totally comfortable with her decisions. 2. The divorce process has slowed down for you, she is doing it herself right? I think this communicates again that she is unsure about the decisions she is making. You have to stop giving reasons to move forward on either one of these issues. Your kids already have a great father in their lives and as long as she believes that she will not feel the need to introduce OM to them. Also don't inquire about nor help with the divorce paperwork or anything else having to do with it. That is her decision, let her deal with it.
When I get discouraged I hang out in the success stories forum and read there. I especially like Die Hard's story, it inspires me. here is the link http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...e=1&fpart=1

I hope your day gets better.