My point is that you didn't try to use ANY resources before contacting your W? At the very least you didn't contact your W with solutions ready to go. How much can it cost to have a locksmith come out... 100.00? IMO 100.00 would be worth every penny if it meant you did not have to appear needy and unable to reach solutions on your own.
At the very least you could have IM'd her and said:
W: I locked my keys in the car and am unable to locate the spare key. I just called a locksmith but wanted to verify you did not have the spare key.
Once she did let you know you had the coverage the FIRST words out of your mouth were "how do I use it?". Why? How do you think you would use it? Call and say "yo, insurance dudes, my keys are locked out and I need help"
If you can get in the habit of handling basic problems on your own the larger issues will become easier to deal with. No excuses, no justifications... JUST DO IT. Exhaust every possibility before you contact your W. Hell, I would have taken the city bus to the interview before contacting her.
How do you expect to run a business or find a high paying job if you don't even have the sense to figure out how to use roadside assistance? It doesn't seem like an unreasonable question.
Kev, my main feedback on the IM is that it came across needy. Telling her that you hadn't printed the resumes, etc. "We can't afford for you not to have roadside." "We've got to get you to the interview".
Your W reminds me of mine, business-like, good with details, cold. I've been thinking about how I fell into a mother-son relationship with my W far too often during our M, and your IM convo sounded like that.
Splitting the financial and insurance stuff is tough. I'm still on car insurance and AAA with W. So this hit home. But you need to know that she put roadside on your policy. She's still handling the details and you're being passive. That needs to change!
It sucks, but you have to be strong and do things on your own now. This will be better in the long run, even if your marriage is restored.
I relate to your story so much man, thanks for posting even though you know 2X4's will come.
Me: 30 W: 28 T 8, M 6 S: 7-27-2007 W filed (again) 3-2011 Served 8-2011 Responded, now dark "I have decided to stick with love. Hate is too great a burden to bear" MLK
Kev, I'll fly to Texas and take you out for that beer if you reply with SM's response, but you'll have to mean it!
(PS, I know you may think we are making light of your sitch, but I am not. I really do care to see you succeed, you may just have to redefine what succeed is for you... )
M: 41 STBXW: 41 D: 9 Bomb: 4/26/09
On board the D train now..
"Suffering is when we try to change what we cannot."
I would still find a flirty and mysterious way to let her know that the "job help dept." is closed for good. Be sexy but firm about it. Can you do that?
Lets practice (pretend I am your W)
Citygirl (playing the role of K's W) I want to hear more about your interview since we decided to help each other out on the job hunting front!
Kevin, I'm going to try and say this without sounding harsh. Take a second and ask yourself what you got out of the conversation with your wife. Was it a sense of connection? Temporary rest bit from loneliness? Reassurance that she was not out with someone else?
Now reverse the conversation and think about her texting you for the same situation. How would you look at her? Dependent? Incapable of performing simple functions? Scatterbrained? Clueless.
Is this how you want to be perceived by someone who would like to be able to depend on you?
_________________________ Me-41 W-39 M-15 yrs T-17 yrs D-12 S-9 S-8 B 5/08 S 1/09
Funny that the roadside assistance thing has come up for you today, I am posting something to you from my sitch from just last night/today.
I just paid the bills last night, and in it was our roadside assistance renewal, and I struggled with if I should renew STBXW's or not. Here is how I handled it.
I renewed hers for this year, then this AM when I dropped off d8, I handed her the renewed card, and said.
"STBXW, I have decided to renew your roadside assistance for this year, and here is your card. Next year, you will have to take charge of this."
Her reply was at best a meek "Ok." and then she took the card.
Now, in my albeit somewhat warped mind, I took the lead there, made the decision, she knows it, and she knows that it will now end after this year, but her response was not what I cared about.
I cared that my d8 would not be stranded on the road with STBXW at some point this year for a car problem. If she's out with some other dude, and that happens, that is a chance I'll take to ensure my d8 is OK while I am not around this year, and I can live with that.
M: 41 STBXW: 41 D: 9 Bomb: 4/26/09
On board the D train now..
"Suffering is when we try to change what we cannot."
