First time poster feeling a bit lost

[MT21]

Ok..Christmas..hmmmm

The plan:

Keep it normal,
dinner at MIL s on the 25th
Dinner at Mums on the 26th.

Reality:

Blazing row on christmas eve.
I try to physically throw her out(Not pretty..V.ashamed )

She leaves taking children with her.

That wasnt the plan, but I couldnt stop myself being angry and almost bating her to react or respond. it was truly awful.
The thing is she is so brazen, and unrepentent so unwilling to to talk about anything..I just lost it. It was not my finest hour.

I saw the children at MILs for 1 hour xmas day.. I found it v.difficult to face MIL and FIL.
Boxing day I took the children to my mums, the day was good.

I hate this, the pain in their faces, the crying...its not fair..But I am there for them..and only them.

I have kept myself busy as well...still spending time with my new friend..shes lovely..and at the moment, good for me..I cant see any further than a day at time right now.

I look good, eating healthy etc... but as for sorting this mess out..its a bit of an enigma. I wont rush but I dont how she will play this out.

MT