Looking for Advice

[gutwrenching]

Sandi/Greek - thanks for the insight, encouragement, assessment. I am not trusting right now, in fact, I know this is going to be the biggest stumbling block for me. I realized yesterday when we were having a real good day that I still don't trust her a lick and that if I can't get past that, then there is no hope for a future. I told her the same thing basically the night before, but it really hit home with me yesterday.

First question to Sandi: having experienced the EA and having gone deeper undercover, what caused you stop going undercover and stop the EA? I honestly believe my W will try to go deeper undercover. She gets smarter and smarter each day on how I get the info I have. Getting hard to stay a step ahead. I suspect if they are or are going to communicate, that it will be with e-mail on the account that she has that I have now let her I know about...just to put her on edge a little and wonder if I have access to it.

Cell phone bill: Got it. She hasn't brought it up, I won't either. Just watching to see if she cuts me off of having access or not.

Remorse: I haven't seen any real remorse yet. The only time I really saw some was BEFORE I exposed the EA and she was in what she called a moment of weakness and allowed me to hold her and she said she didn't deserve to feel good and was almost in tears. I may have misquoted about the next step. She never specifically asked/said something about telling him vice wife if they communicated, what she did was lash out when I said I would tell OM's wife...she lashed out at how weak that was, why wouldn't I let him tell his W. I said because I didn't trust that he would and that he would tell the truth, why should I believe a word he says. I have seen signs of guilt and she has admitted a few times that she made a mistake, let things go too far, basically admits she is the one that pursued it

Earning trust: I understand and see your point on earning trust. But not something I can say to her right now I don't think cause I don't think it would make any difference. I don't know that she is really that interested in patching things up right now. I suspect she wanted me to call it all off when I exposed the EA, that would have made it easy for her. She had checked out, she told me last night she is tired of trying and tired of getting no where and afraid of getting hurt again