K4D It's a Wonderful Life

[iwantittowork]

there are many aspects to consider and make sure we have nailed down. This will all be addressed the more we start formulating our plans.

[sarcasm]
I am gonna go waaaayyy out on a limb here...
[/sarcasm]
and say the above is the ONLY thing you should be focused on formulating for a plan..

What is true, is that the idea itself becomes less important than the business itself, especially at startup.

It's proven over, and over, ideas with solid business behind them can work, even in often competitive fields. The best idea may not always win out. A mediocre idea with and excellent business plan can often win over an excellent idea with mediocre business plan.

True, there are one hit wonders, and immediate successes in the business world, but you have just as good a chance of hitting the mega millions, so why not invest in lottery tickets first?

I hope you all succeed, maybe I'll be a customer someday, so don't get discouraged, just do the legwork required..

[K4D]

We are going to do the leg work. Thanks iwantittowork.

Last night I locked my key in my car and didn't discover this until midnight. W was still awake online.

Me: Do you have an extra key to the camry?
W: don't think so, why?
Me: locked my key in the car
W: Oh crap
W: Where are you?
W: I thought I gave you the spare key
Me: at home gonna try a clothes hanger
W: hmm ok.
W: hey...
W: I think you can call insurace roadside assistance
Me: I don't think the Camry has full coverage
W: I put the back on your car bc we can't afford for you to not have it
W: not full coverage... I don't think. check our policy online
W: but roadside assistance, yes
W: I'm still here
W: hey... if you can't get it open, etc. let me know what we need to do to get you to your interview
Me: how do I contact roadside assistance?
W: hmmm... hold on
Me: Found it
W: ok good
Me: they are sending someone out
Me: why does it show you as offline all of a sudden?
W: ok. good. i'm glad. what's it going to cost you?
Me: they said it will be covered
W: because I went invisible bc people were pinging me
Me: LOL
Me: makes sense
Me: thanks for the help. have a good evening
W: no problem. glad I could help. sorry i forgot to tell you i put that back on your car.
Me: NP
W: good luck tomorrow
Me: thanks. I printed out my resume and left them at my friends house
Me: I will have to find somewhere early in the morning to reprint
W: there's a fedex office I think on the tollway, on the southbound side
Me: ok
W: you might look
Me: will do
W: anyway... D7 is finally asleep. so i'm going to sleep now. glad that insurance was able to help you. call if you need anything
Me: thanks
W: np. we both need new jobs. its important that we help each other there when we can.
Me: yes it is. agreed.
W: alright... well phone is by me
W: goodnight
Me: goodnight

I will probably get 2x4'd for this conversation last night. I ended up needing her assistance to avoid having to call a locksmith or someone like that and have to pay for it.

Truthfully, I don't see why we need to help each other with jobs. I just agreed because she had helped me out of a bind there. Worse case scenerio, I would have just rescheduled in the morning. I didn't need her help for the job, just wasn't sure if she had the key or not.

I remember when I needed help getting a better job before earlier on and she refused no matter what. Now that her job is ending, all of a sudden we should help each other. She wants to know what agencies I am talking to and wants me to let her know if they would be good for her to talk to.

Is this the classic cake eating?

Kevin

[CityGirl]

IMO your W wants both of you to have stable jobs before she files for D. Instead of just saying that (IMO of course) she is presenting it like the two of you will help each other so her real motives aren't the spotlight. I also think that is why she keeps asking you about the lease and what apartment you will choose. I feel she wants you both to be settled and gainfully employed before she proceeds with the D.

My 2x4 is once you found out you might have roadside coverage you still asked your W how to use that resource when you easily could have figured it out on your own.

If you don't want to help each other with jobs then why did you agree with her on IM that it would be a good thing? IMO you missed a good chance to set a boundary and let her know that your job search and the resources and contacts you have are not for sharing!

Think about it - she makes more money than you and has for a while therefore there is a good chance she would be paying support to you if once you do divorce you have 50/50 custody. She will not want to do that so her plan " to help each other find better jobs" certainly, IMO, has motives that are not quite as she stated.

My 2 cents.

[iwantittowork]

We interrupt this business class to bring you back to our regularly scheduled 2x4 already in action..

You're killing me Kev.

Killing me!

I need a bandage for my head from smacking it every time I read some more of your thread...

You have been separated since 3/09 and need to call your STBXW, who has long since checked out of your R, and is actively with other men....

For you car keys and information on your car insurance?!?!

You know yourself how needy this appears, so I won't beat you with the aforementioned 2x4.

The only, and I mean only thing you should be contacting your STBXW about is the kids.

You really need to go dark. And I mean like blocking your STBXW IM's, FB pages, anything at all, dark.

Black hole like dark, unless the kids are involved...

I wished I lived near you so I could bring you out for a beer, or at least a cup of coffee if you don't drink, so you could start to move on with your life, and find the one true Kev!

[K4D]

Well,

I contacted her because I didn't have the other key to the car and I wasn't sure if she had it. I was also not aware that she had put the roadside assistance back on the insurance. So that was actually helpful to know given the current situation of the key being locked in the car.

I agreed with her out of niceness because she had just helped me out of a bind.

Now she sent me a text asking how the interview went this morning. I haven't yet responded and don't know how I will respond.

Kevin

[jon2911]

Kev,

Great job at Christmas! Regardless of what W chooses to do from here, you did great. My W does the same, somewhat motherly and platonic gestures, but I've come to realize that she's showing care. Yes, it comes across condescending, like the "I didn't want you to be alone at Christmas" comments, but that's the pullback we've all experienced. A little bit of warmth, then "this doesn't mean anything" from the WAS right after. I call BS on that. There were lots of positives and she's thinking about them. I'm proud of you and you should feel good about how you did.

Don't worry about this OM stuff. Early in my sitch I spent way too much time snooping and wondering about it. It sounds like you hear bits and pieces from the girls, and assume a lot from that. In the alien's mind you aren't married any more, and she's free to do whatever, including male "friendships". And maybe they are just that. Do you really want to know either way? She could be reconsidering in spite of all that.

Sorry that your headhunter interview turned out to be one of those pay-up-front, bait-and-switch deals. You pay them $7.5K and they maybe get you a $20K raise? I wouldn't listen to their salary talk about your age either, all that's off in this recession. I was making $43K pre layoff and had just been promoted, I'm 28. What does any of that matter now? Just take this as encouragement that your resume peaked some interest.

You keep saying that budgets will open up next year, sorry to say but I don't see it. IT jobs seem to be stuck at contract-only right now, like you're experiencing. And as for "contract-to-hire", I watched 6 month promises turn into 2 1/2 years at my old job. Makes me wonder if they planned to screw them over from the beginning. Fortunately I was full-time.

CG, what kind of business do you run? I'm fascinated by all of your advice above. It's cool to hear you explain the pros and cons I've been thinking through. I'm just an employee of a start-up, not a founder, but I'm finding I work well this way.

To me, it's a question of do you thrive in the startup environment vs. a normal job. The emotional roller-coaster, the non-typical work schedule. Kev, your comment about your co-workers makes me think you need to read #1 here:
http://www.paulgraham.com/really.html

This wouldn't be a typical surface level work relationship. You'd be trusting everything to these guys if you do it. I enjoy the trust I have with my boss, vs. the "how's the wife and kids" corporate speak that drove me nuts. Which way do you work better? And like CG said, are you a self-starter who taps into all available resources? Maybe you and your partners could build this up without quitting your day jobs.

Here's more info on Graham, he seems to be the guru of tech start-ups, and I've really found his site enjoyable. He seems to think business plans don't matter, the idea does. Might be tech startups break the normal rules. Which is why I like them:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Paul_Graham
http://images.businessweek.com/ss/08/09/0929_most_influential/7.htm

[CityGirl]

Please think about the last post you made. I really do believe with all my heart every single person here wants you to be a man and stand on your own two feet and not rely on your W for anything.

Earlier today we spoke about using resources to get you ahead, correct? Apply that same concept to the whole car/key situation. If you were unsure if the vehicle still had roadside assistance coverage why not be 110% sure BEFORE you contact your W? It would have taken a few short minutes to call the insurance carrier or log on from your phone to verify the coverage and you would not have had to contact your W at all. Since you still go along with what she says and are not at the point to be able to say NO to her, you would have avoided agreeing to help one another w/the job hunt for the sake of being "nice".

Text her back: Babe, you're a doll for asking but I can't just give *anybody* all my job resources and contacts <wink> then go dark until you exchange the children again.

[iwantittowork]

Kev,

I know how you feel, as most others do here too, and was hoping my light post would come across at least somewhat funny to you along the way.. Don't forget the message in the post though, you should have her contacting you when things go wrong, if you ever want to be the lead in this, etc. That is not likely to happen at this point in your sitch, but you should be aware of it.

Now she sent me a text asking how the interview went this morning. I haven't yet responded and don't know how I will respond.

This is my 2 cents, and not sure if it's the best DB or not, but I would wait at least 2 hours from getting that txt.

Then, if your reply at all, and I don't care if you bombed the interview, got arrested for trespassing during it, threw up on the interviewer, spilled your coffee on the receptionist.......Well, you get the picture, at most I would reply with:

"It went well, thanks!"

And that is absolutely it! You want mystery to be on your side, you her to wonder what is happening with YOU, not vice versa.

Make sense?

[antlers]

Don't worry about this OM stuff. In the alien's mind you aren't married any more, and she's free to do whatever, including male "friendships". And maybe they are just that.

Get real!

I am really sorry about the folks here who are suffering and hurting because of infidelity on the part of their spouse. I personally think it's the worst thing one person could do to the other...short of killing them!

That said, sticking your head in the ground and saying it's dark outside doesn't change the fact that the sun is shining very bright outside!

[K4D]

Make sense?

Yup.

Jon I will take a look at those links. I hope the BS you are calling is right.

CG, I understand what you are saying. But I had canceled the roadside assistance some time ago, so why would I turn around and call them to ask if I still have it? W put it back on their without asking me about it so I had no knowledge that what I had canceled was no longer canceled.

I also see your point about the motive being different than what she is reflecting for the jobs.

I do like both of yours and iwantittowork's text responses.

Kevin