Any tips to deal with Jealousy on my part

[g450]

Well a keylogger would be nice as that would probably verify or dispell my fears. But she uses the new laptop I bought her while on vacation and it doesnt even have any disk drives etc on it.

She had me show her how to password protect everything as soon as our vacation together was over.

Ironically I was under the impression that our vacation together drew us closer. We even made love then. Little did I know that it was the last time she would ever make love to me.

If she knew she was going to leave me she should have saved me the time off and expense of our vacation. I asked her about the LM and she said she faked it to give me what she thought I wanted. That was painful.

I discovered that she also got a PO Box behind my back. She mentioned wanting one 6 months ago but I talked her out of it because there was no need for it. We have locked and sealed community mail box so what did we need a PO box for? Have no idea how long she has had it.

Makes me wonder just exacly how much of our marriage was a simply living a lie. I cant get over that. Told me she hasnt loved me for about ten years (10 Years!!). How do you do that to somebody who loves you and not say a word to them?