Yes, both in our late 20's. I know that marriage is tough and we did have a horrible year from the death of his father, 2 other relatives and a very good friend, our dog got cancer, and within the last month, he lost his grandmother. As I said before, he had never experienced death before his father.
I know it does sound like I am making excuses for him in that I'm attributing his behavior to depression, but he is a completely different person from the one I have known for the last 5 years and the changes have happened overnight. His mother hardly recognizes him and all of his friends have abandoned him because of his behavior with the exception of the OW and one more guy that he befriended within the last few months. They are both 22 with little to no education or ambition.
I am looking at his baby steps, not out of desperation, because I'm past the point of desperation. I try to keep no expectations, but the glimmers of "old H" do send my heart aflutter from time to time.
By the grace of god, we do not have children. I don't think I could have stayed as strong if I had someone else relying on my during this mess. My husband always wanted children, but changed his mind a few months ago when all this happened and said he never wanted to have kids. Previously our plan was to start trying for a child in spring of 2010.
I don't know about cutting him off yet. I have gotten some positive responses from him in being friendly towards him, however, I do not return phone calls promptly and I do not call him unless I slip up as I did on Christmas. A few months ago, he hated my guts and he never spoke to me. At that point however I was still pursuing him heavily until I found DR materials and realized that I was hanging myself. Since I backed off him and have not mentioned the OW, he's spending more time with me. He asked me to dinner both nights since we have been back in town despite the fact the OW was also in town.
