feel like giving up - talk to me!

[luvless]

Thanks Gardener - I'll borrow your shovel

[luvless]

Couldn't wait to update - hope I can remember all I needed to tell you guys.

Christmas Eve - he left work at 11:30 - I thought we were gonna have a good day and he was just a jerk - ugh.

Christmas morning I had a hard time wanting to be near him or open anything he got me - he was a little nicer. He got me this really cute card that said something like I wished on a star and found you - yeah right (sarcastic luv) We went to my moms - he was a little distant but not like the day before.

Saturday morning we went to see "It's Complicated" he wanted to see something else but he went anyway. While we were getting ready he had mentioned to me about this new theatre that has lounge chairs and serves drinks/dinner while you watch a movie. We looked online and booked seats for that evening to see "did you hear about the morgans."

We went to lunch then came home. He goes to the back room to see my sons and he is on the laptop. He calls for me to stand next to him and he's petting my back. He goes to kiss me (my S15 says eew you guys are grossing me out LOL) so we pretend to get all up on each other and we laugh. I go to my room and couple mins later he follows. H shuts n locks the door behind him and I'm like what are you doing? He wants so I oblige

We left early so we could have a drink before. Omg you guys this place was awesome. It was like going to a vip nightclub but it was a theatre. The lighting...the girls waiting for you as you enter...sitting and getting a drink with lit candles..seriously..too nice.

We sat and talked - he loved the place. We got to lounge in these comfy chairs with table service..too cool. While we watched the movie he held my hand (hasn't reached out to me at all) ...afterwards we went to a sushi bar and had a beer - nice place. We were at an area where there are shops/bars/stores...really nice. We had never been.

Anyway...when we left the theatre he held my hand - we walked around went to a sushi bar then to another bar to have a beer. This is where he started R talk! He said, "ya know that movie today scared the hell out of me." LOL (it's complicated) He said, "I don't wanna be like that..I know that will happen to me." He continues talking about this one part (where the kids are on the bed) all crying cuz their parents are split - he said, "that broke my heart and I don't want my kids to go through that." OH I forgot!...he mentioned sex was not one of his LL's LOL - had to come back and edit for that one

You know inside I'm like wow - who woulda thought it would have that kind of impact. I knew it'd get him thinking - but not that seriously. He keeps on talking and we talk about the R. I asked him, "have you thought about leaving?" He said, "no." He starts to tear up and I assure him I am here for you. We talked alot of serious stuff - laughed a little.

We left - he held my hand the entire time. I drove he rubbed my back while I was driving (all the while I'm wondering where the alien went) he left my H behind! We got home and went to sleep. A much needed day/night.

Sunday morning he initiates (I was listening G) - then we went to breakfast (mexican yum) Last year was the first time we started leaving the kids. It's been years that we have experienced getting up and leaving without a sitter - too weird for us but it's been nice.

So...Sunday he is VERY affectionate...all day. I'm perplexed yet welcome it. I am affectionate back. He wants me to be next to him (he is painting these little guys with my son (almost 19) but he wants me to sit next to him...so I do (bored but I do) lol

We go to bed - no goodnight or anything so weird after all of that...but not complaining.

I tried to give you guys the shortest story possible. I need you guys' imput!...I know I can't believe anything he says and half of what he does but seriously...I'm really CONFUSED.

What the heck?

[soleil]

Luv, I know his behavior seems to go to and fro but what you described... he is REALLY trying. Focus on being happy and welcoming his affection and love. There were a few things you wrote in there that I "aww"ed at. The man wants to be with you.

[luvless]

Thanks Sol - I do know he is trying. He hasn't said "ILY" which bothers me. For now..I guess I will just try to work on me and make my home a nice place to be.

[rockedworld]

Hi Luv,
Your H's behavior sounds a lot like my H's behavior when he decided to re-commit to our M. H became quite clingy, very affectionate, wanted to talk about the R a lot. The verbal affirmations (ILY) didn't come easily or quickly yet. We have been piecing now since the end of November and the ILY's are just starting now... still far and few between though. I am trying to be patient with that.

I think it is great that you are reciprocating and giving him the message that you can see that he is trying. My H said it made such a difference that I would listen to him and validate his emotions during this time because he knew he had been a jerk and I had every right not to listen. But he needed that, desperately... to be listened to. So, when I did, it met his needs and moved him closer and closer to me emotionally.

You are doing great Luv!

[luvless]

Yeah sounds really close to me - still even wonder if there is OW..bcuz our stories are so close.

I'm going to keep listening and affirm while I work on me!

I'm so glad to have you guys.

[Gnosis]

All-in-all I'm smiling Luv.

I'm going to point out the good signs here, blow-by-blow so you can get it into TuffLuv's stubborn little head, OK?

Christmas Eve - he left work at 11:30 - I thought we were gonna have a good day and he was just a jerk - ugh.

Because he doesn't know what the heck to do...

Christmas morning I had a hard time wanting to be near him or open anything he got me - he was a little nicer.

Uh huh... your body language signaling "stay the hell away from me" ... he picked up on it... and what did he do? He was trying... by being nicer.

He got me this really cute card that said something like I wished on a star and found you - yeah right (sarcastic luv)

Right on sister! What a putz! I mean who cares that he took time out of his day to go to a Hallmark store. What an idiot he is to read through the cards until he finds one with a message that reflects what he feels. Geez, does this moron think that a romantic message on a card will mean something? I guess that media hype he is exposed to everyday truly is misleading. Oops... sorry sucka... Luv don't hear you anymore.

We went to my moms - he was a little distant but not like the day before.

When someone is distant it means one of two things: (a) he's uncomfortable with the people around him and doesn't want to be there or (b) he wants to join in but doesn't feel welcome or wanted. My assumption is (b) because you've most certainly communicated his bad behavior to your family and your actions with him earlier on also led him to believe this.

Saturday morning we went to see "It's Complicated" he wanted to see something else but he went anyway.

Yeah, what an idiot! What would possess him to try PLEASE you? How dare he try to connect with you like that!

On a serious note: He sacrificed his own wants for yours. This doesn't sound like a man who doesn't care about you.

While we were getting ready he had mentioned to me about this new theatre that has lounge chairs and serves drinks/dinner while you watch a movie.

Duh! Someone should have warned him that this was a romantic setting. Wait! Someone probably already did. More to follow....

We went to lunch then came home.

Really? Let's see: Xmas Eve, Xmas morning, Xmas day, Sat morning, Sat lunch... plans for Sat evening.

Luv, I have to admit, you're 100% right! This sounds exactly like a jerk who can't stand to be near you and wants out of the relationship.

He calls for me to stand next to him and he's petting my back. He goes to kiss me

Yep, this man hates your guts!

I go to my room and couple mins later he follows. H shuts n locks the door behind him and I'm like what are you doing? He wants so I oblige

Uggggh!!!! The NERVE of this guy!!!! I can't believe it. He REALLY HATES you doesn't he?

We left early so we could have a drink before.

How dare he!

Omg you guys this place was awesome. It was like going to a vip nightclub but it was a theatre. The lighting...the girls waiting for you as you enter...sitting and getting a drink with lit candles..seriously..too nice.

Where the heck did he get an idea that girls LOOOOOVE this stuff... Gee... I wonder what he was trying to say... can you guess?

Nope? OK, lemme explain it to you: This is what a DAM does to show you how much he cares and wants to be with you.

While we watched the movie he held my hand (hasn't reached out to me at all) ...afterwards we went to a sushi bar and had a beer - nice place. We were at an area where there are shops/bars/stores...really nice. We had never been.

OMG!!! The sheer audacity of this heartless monster!!!!! How dare he!!!!

Anyway...when we left the theatre he held my hand - we walked around went to a sushi bar then to another bar to have a beer.

What a jerk!

This is where he started R talk! He said, "ya know that movie today scared the hell out of me." LOL (it's complicated) He said, "I don't wanna be like that..I know that will happen to me."

SHOCK!!! WTF??!!!?? Is he trying to communicate? I don't believe it.

He continues talking about this one part (where the kids are on the bed) all crying cuz their parents are split - he said, "that broke my heart and I don't want my kids to go through that."

Pay attention Luv. That's a very important point there. Store it somewhere. [This is one of his fears]

OH I forgot!...he mentioned sex was not one of his LL's LOL - had to come back and edit for that one

How many kids have you got again? Is his name Joseph?

He keeps on talking and we talk about the R. I asked him, "have you thought about leaving?" He said, "no." He starts to tear up and I assure him I am here for you. We talked alot of serious stuff - laughed a little.

All sarcasm and wit aside now. This is good to news to hear Luv. Really good news.

We left - he held my hand the entire time. I drove he rubbed my back while I was driving (all the while I'm wondering where the alien went) he left my H behind! We got home and went to sleep.

This is what happens when you start to communicate and listen. It's called "CONNECTION."

Sunday morning he initiates (I was listening G)

To what? LOL.

then we went to breakfast (mexican yum) Last year was the first time we started leaving the kids. It's been years that we have experienced getting up and leaving without a sitter - too weird for us but it's been nice.

And the DAM appreciates it because it doesn't have to be programmed and scheduled. It's good to be able to be spontaneous.

So...Sunday he is VERY affectionate...all day.

Absolutely SHOCKING!!!!

I'm perplexed yet welcome it. I am affectionate back.

Thank God!

He wants me to be next to him (he is painting these little guys with my son (almost 19) but he wants me to sit next to him...so I do (bored but I do) lol

What!!!! He wants you near him? Quick, call in the priest! We need an exorcism right away!

We go to bed - no goodnight or anything so weird after all of that...but not complaining.

On a more serious note... the two of you have spent years building the resentment toward each other. He needs some time to register. He can't believe all this is happening. Give him some time... AND DON'T CHANGE anything you've been doing so far.

I need you guys' imput!...I know I can't believe anything he says and half of what he does but seriously...I'm really CONFUSED.

Be PATIENT now. You've made a big crack the ice. Don't give up your changes in behavior. Back off a LITTLE bit. Give him a little space. Let it register in his mind. Let it sink in.

During that time you work on yourself to get rid of as much of the resentment that you can. I hope all the sarcasm in most of the commentary sinks in.

You're making progress here Luv. Congratulations. Keep it up. And be cautious. Don't forget that these changes you are doing have to be permanent. Not for him but for YOU... because you're a happier, better and more attractive woman with them.

[Gnosis]

P.S. I can see now why you waited for Handfull to be on her way to the hospital before updating. That post would have sent her pulse racing through the roof!!!

Oh, and in no way am I discounting the possibility of an OW... however, if there is someone that may have caught his eye... I think its safe to say that you have his attention once again.

[motherof3]

G - You always make me laugh.

Luv - Listen to what G said. All of his points are valid.

[chatterbug]