Sending hugs your way, but I would hope that you take the advice given here, and really look to get to your IC soon as possible! Talking to your IC going to help, and I would recommend you go early and go often!
Coming to the boards, and and posting is nice, but I have found it immeasurably better to work directly with my IC, and why I think so many of us are urging you to get to the IC quickly!
Do you believe that your bugging or pushing your IC if you call and ask for help early? I ask, because I am trying to understand your reluctance to really pursue that urgently.
Were worried about you here, and seeing that you have been in an abusive relationship and still getting hit by your H with crap is tough to hear! I am so angry with your H right now, I can't explain it in a forum posting....
You have already come a long ways forward, and really am proud of you!
M: 41 STBXW: 41 D: 9 Bomb: 4/26/09
On board the D train now..
"Suffering is when we try to change what we cannot."
