PDT, the boundry I laid down was end the A with no contact or I will expose it. I have no intel to credibly execute the stick. (even though I have looked.) So I can't gain her respect by doing it anyway. Right?
I am thinking about establishing another boundry regarding her need for IC. Her depression relates to how her previous marriage ended in suicide. She continues to grief him. She has idealized him and carries this image in her head. Of course, I can never, never live up to that illusion. Really, she is emotionally involved whith the idea. So in a sense I am dealing with EA with a dead man."I feel that I and our children have been hurt by your behaviour. You must get qualified IC or I will insist you ________."
I have heard you and Coach discuss the two step process, break the A and work on the marriage. For me, I think there is a third step. She has to come to terms with her depression. I think this is a part of showing her that I am a true friend. She really wants to keep her depression under wraps.
She is convinced that she is doing a good job of fooling everyone. She manages and controls who knows what to avoid dealing with what is going on.
