I have to admit that since W changed her mind about MC, I have not been loving around her. In fact, I have nearly ignored her and been pretty short with her.
Today, I realized ignoring her and being short with her actually conveyed weakness and was not attractive. Yesterday and today, I made a point to act nicer to W, and it seemed like she was dying to be nice to me.
Don't think this means we are in any different a place, but I need to work on the strength part of strength and honor.
Sounds like your doing ok, and I wish you the best in the new year.
Quote:
I have some work to do before I push the D button. I have to look at what teh D will look like for me - the numbers, not the emotions.
But, I cannot stay in this limbo existence. I just can't.
I see so many people lately starting to prep for this, and move over to StBD. I think I read 4 or 5 posts from people just this AM on this!
Hopefully the below comments will get to others as well, when it comes to D, so keep these in mind.
I heard these below, and it seems appropriate to what I have found so far as I meander through the D process..
"When it comes to D, the object of the court is to make sure NEITHER party is happy, especially financially. If one party is happy at the end, then the result was not fair."
"It takes 128% of the pre D income to maintain the same lifestyle for both parties after the D."
These are the realities of D financially, as I believe your aware. The reason's for D go beyond the finances, but when the numbers start to hit you, it is difficult to separate the emotion from the numbers, and keep them separate.
Keeping you all that are going through this in my thoughts and prayers..
M: 41 STBXW: 41 D: 9 Bomb: 4/26/09
On board the D train now..
"Suffering is when we try to change what we cannot."
I am starting the number crunching today. While I don't know what the end numbers will be, I am aware that both of us will take a big hit to our stad's of living - more importantly, the kids will too.
This is NOT what I want, but what choice do I have?
Your financial hit = temporary. You'll bounce back. FWIW ~~~ I don't think it will come to that. I'm thinking the D process is going to wake her up. I just do.
Greek
Me45 H46 T25 M22 S21 & 19 D13 Separated and filed 8/08 Moved home 11/08
Your financial hit = temporary. You'll bounce back.
Oooh, good stuff, I should have added that myself, as that is where I have gotten too myself.
A bit of 'Learned Optimism' there....
However, my only issue is my STBXW thinks the same way, that it's only temporary, so has 0 issue with the financial impact to herself, as well as me, as a result of the D. (Although her financial decisions make me wonder about her at times..)
I'd like to see GIMA's sitch come around. I just don't see the same apathy in his sitch as I saw in mine..
M: 41 STBXW: 41 D: 9 Bomb: 4/26/09
On board the D train now..
"Suffering is when we try to change what we cannot."
Your financial hit = temporary. You'll bounce back. FWIW ~~~ I don't think it will come to that. I'm thinking the D process is going to wake her up. I just do.
Greek
Greek, I know I will bounce back much quicker than she. I recall reading a paper about this very topic where some people had gathered statistics on D, and one of their conclusions was what you stated.
I want to believe it will not come to D, but I'm a bit gun shy on placing hope she will come back. You could be right, and that would be what I prefer.
I spent the morning running calculations on child support, and, it isn't nearly as bad as I had presumed. And these are rough numbers.
Something about taking some action to figure this stuff out that makes me feel a little more in control.
