Tridoc has anything that you have done in the last few months worked? I'll give you moving back in the MBR, but other than that.
I would say NOT!
Listen to ROBX he speaks the truth. The current path that you have been following is leading to certain D. If that is what you want keep ignoring what ROBX is saying.
Robx Will this really work? She was indeed bothered about this other woman thing. It seems if I did what you are suggesting it would drive her away. Anyway, thanks for the pep talk. I'm going for it.
Nope none of what I said will work, I'm just a long winded ba$tard that loves to hear himself speak.... LOL!
Can't you tell that she's not used to the subtle changes you've recently implemented? You yourself have posted comments that she remarked like "who told you to say that? where did you get that from?"
Guess what?
She noticed something different.
You stepped off the path and she noticed, she hadn't noticed you at all until you started doing things differently.
Can anyone guarantee you 100% anything on this site?
NO.
Not even the DB coaches themselves can offer you that guarantee.
However I know that women test men as much as I know that human beings require food, water & oxygen to survive.
Women testing men is a survival mechanism and it isn't going to be phased by tens of thousands of years of evolution anytime soon. The reason why I say this is because attraction itself isn't something you can force, you are attracted to the people you are attracted to and that is beyond your choice.
A woman doesn't look at a man and say: "Good skin, decent height, educated, intelligent, nice, well mannered, good job, etc. I will be attracted to him, fall in love, get married and make babies"
Are you attracted to every single woman you look at? Or are you attracted to specific women with specific characteristics? Would you say your attraction is a choice or is it something involuntary?
Attraction between men & women is related to women testing men.
You've killed the attraction by acting in a specific way with your wife, it took several years to accomplish this but you did enough things and flicked enough kill switches that your wife's instincts eventually kicked in and said it's time to seek out a new mate, this one isn't masculine & attractive enough anymore.
I can't tell you what you did specifically but you did enough things to kill the attraction and I don't see you as sounding like a jerk to think that's what did it, if anything the exact opposite that along with her possibly being bored out of her mind.
So yes, doing the things that I've outlined are going to change the momentum. You will begin to appear more masculine which is a good thing and this will change the existing dynamic. But you can't just act those things out, you have to really do them, you have to really believe them.
Your wife is used to walking all over you and getting her way, you no longer present a challenge to her, that's why she's bullying you in her own way and getting her way with you. Plus I'll bet that in every argument you have with her, she gets her way, she even turns an argument around that you are 100% correct in and makes you feel bad for bringing up the subject in the end.
She also seems aggressive, assertive, a little bit more masculine than you are yourself and you sound passive, too easy going, too complacent, you probably supplement alot of your actions with gift giving behavior,etc and a little more feminine than she is. I could be wrong and I may be reading too much into this but I'm pretty sure I have a pretty good idea of the situation as it stands at your end.
R2C I have the “art of seduction” ...Are there any chapters which I could go straight to to get to the meat of this book? What areas should I concentrate on?
Read the details in the contents page. Then jump to The anti-seducer (page 131). Then read Part II phase 1. Then Back and read Part I. Then Part II phase 2,3 and 4.
"What is best for my kids is best for me" Amor Fati Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
"There is a natural tendency in relationships for people to become so familiar with one another that boredom and stagnation set in. Mystery is the lifeblood of seduction and to maintain it you have to constantly surprise your victims, stir things up, even shock them." - P163 Art of seduction
Your spouse "knows" you better than anyone else on this planet. It is now your job to make her question everything she knows about you. You do this by 180's and being mysterious, changing your looks, the way you dress, the way you interact with her. The time of day you get home, when you leave. Your sudden interest in other women (or vise versa).
"What is best for my kids is best for me" Amor Fati Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
Hey Doc. Good job on the move back into the MB! I made that move about three weeks ago and it really helped me see things for what they were. I was able to recognize the huge gap between the reasonableness of my actions and the intense anger and hostility generated by my W. It helped me detachand it rebuilds self esteem. It is also tremendously disruptive of thier world view. I think a general rule of thumb is that anything that confuses them and builds your confidence is a good change.
I noticed the morning after you got a "grunt" in response to "Good Morning". Wow! That was better than I did!
I have also picked up The Art of Seduction. I have not spent any significant time with it due to the holiday. (I do not want my wife to see it.) I have a bit of trouble comprehending how it can be useful when our Ws are only interested in being pissed at us. But, like I said, I haven't spent much time with it yet.
Good work on staying calm in the face of the storm!
Thanks guys for all the help and encouragement. I know the game plan now. Robx, yeah Ive let her push me around too much in the past. I was just complacent, a "don't rock the boat" attitude. I have read the right books and your long winded posts. Thanks for taking the time on those. I can take a hint.
OP thanks for the links. The first one from Livestrong applies well.
Wonderful, we will continue to work in tandem as kindred spirits. Good luck with your efforts.
R2C, I am reading those sections and will start applying them. I am detaching and I might even try to make separate New Years eve plans. I will try more to be mysterious. The counter-intuitive approach works. It drives her crazy. I know that I can seduce this victim..just like Valmont...
Me:49 W: 41 Kids=D14/D14/S10 Married: 15 Together: 16 Bomb: 08/26/09 Currently: separated but in the different houses.
just make sure that your seduction plans don't involve pursuing, unless that pursuing is her pursuing you. In the end, she wants to pursue the person she wants to be with, she was pursuing the OM and you were pursuing her, put the brakes on that, you move in the opposite direction, you will never get her if you are chasing her - I guarantee you that she'll always remain out of reach with that plan.
