Moving on with my life!

[Startingover2]

You were married to this man a short time and In that short lived marriage, you felt uneasy and distrustful and turns out, for good reason. You are the aggrieved party; he's the perpetrator of the main events.

One consequence of his many selfish and poor choices, is the hassle of supervised visits. Not your responsibility, but of course it's not merely inconvenient for him; it's also a pain for you. But he doesnt' care about that! I doubt he's admitted anything but how much it bothers HIM and HIS lifestyle. He cares about HIM.

He cheated on you then and still has contact with some OW. None of your concern b/c you are divorced---yes you know...But still he insists, rather egotistically, that you gotta believe him when he tells you whatever he tells you; e.g., he's not seeing someone, (so what?) or he's seeing someone else, blah blah blah. Why would you be concerned with who he's dating? You are divorced! Oh "BUT HE"S TRYING NOW" and so, you MUST trust him sometime....really? Where's that written? (IF he really wanted the M status to change, he'd change and you'd KNOW. But instead, he yanks you on the yo-yo to to make sure he's still got you as back up.



Who doesn't just LOVE a man who lies, a lot, and over quite a span of time, who doesn't LOVE a man who cheats, repeatedly? Who doesn't just LOVE a man who wants to postpone child support payments? Who isn't crazy about a guy who texts you, rather than being there in real life, and demands immediate responses?

Who doesn't always LOVE it when some EX h can interrupt your life at all hours (under feigned concern of course--NOT being controlling! nooooo) and who isn't happy when a FORMER h tries to hold you back from moving on b/c he always needs a back up? Who doesn't just go ga ga over a guy who makes gratuitous promises to your son about going to his wrestling match, but then backs out b/c of the drive OR just forgets, only to blast the mother of the son for (reminding him of this?) driving on her own in rain--(which made HIM look bad so, hey, the best defense is a good offense so naturally he attacked you and chewed you out)....yeah, WHAT'S NOT TO LOVE??
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I'm sorry to say this but-- I see NOTHING indicating any reason for you to have any contact with this guy beyond the baby. He's an egomaniac and a proven liar. As for the newest or former OW...whichever one this is now...what a lovely thing for you to get to hear about in detail....Set a boundary there honey. Enough. Who wants to know the gory details of their X h's meanderings? Not a healthy woman honey. He's out...let him go catch a STD but not give it to you.

I assume she wants info for herself of course. All you have to do is not be an insane control freak as he likely described you, and she'll start to wonder if if if maybe it's HIM...but she's got the virus he gave her too. I mean she's nuts to be in a R with him at all, and the part where she'd put up with this insanity while married and contact you...and ask you questions and interview...it's....wacky.Yeah it's very odd and dysfunctional.
She's not well. I feel sorry for her but that does not mean she's your new bff.
Yi yi yiiii.....Have a good new year and know it'll be better than this past one was, IF YOU LET IT!!
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All very true. I know his motives and intentions are less than honorable and sincere. They may have a hint of what he may want his life to be like, but for whatever reason he won't do the work necessary. So its much easier to cake eat and have the best of both worlds.

So, with all that being said how do I just keep our communication all about baby only? We have so much contact that its rather hard. Its not like I can drop her off at the curb and honk the horn when I pick her up LOL. I am here, and most of the time baby wants me in the room. Another question is he will notice this distance now in me and ask why I am pulling away. Is it ok to tell him he is full of sh** and has done nothing beyond words on text messages to show me he has changed? Otherwise he will just think I am ticked off about something and never really know. He will say what about the 'slow and steady' bullcrap. To me, that is just code for I want to keep my life the way it is and not do the work. Is it ok to say 'do the hard work or nothing?"

My friend was here visiting yesterday and she asked me what it would take for me to really trust him again or know he is serious. It was complete hypothetical talk but it was interesting. I said a complete personality transformation LOL. Open, honest, sweet, affectionate, transparent, attentive, and a willingness to do what it takes. Also, IC, MC, AA, and no more tendancies to run to OW when times get tough. I look at my list and say there is no way in heck exh is capeable or even would want to do those things.

So, it does look like I have my answer.