Hi, Yep I hear you. It's ok to be scared.. It is perfectly normal to be scared to lose your soulmate & best friend. It's ok to be scared.. it's not ok to bite the people that love you when you are. the first person you need to have compassion for is yourself.
It's how you chose to act on that emotion of 'scared' & "out of control" of keeping things the way they were.. that will determine her personal safety with you in the future.
Are you seeing a counselor or just taking the year long courses?
Again I would strongly encourage you to get, read & implement the exercises from the Stosny book... he reporst great success rates with his techniques as opposed to anger management course.
I understand that those are court ordered.... maybe view it as a supplement to what you are already doing in order to make doubley sure that these behaviours don't reoccur.
She may never come back... the fear she has (righfully so) & the pain you have inflicted may be too great for her to risk being in that type of relationship with you.
What you are doing in your recovery is for you and you alone. It is making you a better human being, so you can live with yourself & your actions as you interact with all the people in your life.
Your choice to do the work.... or not. Again, you are posting here.. you have my vote.
Peace Bridge
Divorced 03/2010 Mom to two amazing kids
Taking the road less traveled because those encountered on the way may be just as unique.
