I feel like a parrot- lol, ( I always come on saying I agree with Lotus!!!!). I totally agree with Lotus that what you are feeling is normal and you need to fight it. You will go through various stages.
It's quite common to sit there thinking that you are being so nice and on your best behaviour and holding it all together, whilst your H enjoys the fruits of all that, even though HE was the 'bad boy'.
Gradually you will see him realise more and more what he has done and in doing so he will distance himself from OW and be more likely to open up. They all do it at their own pace and to different degrees.
The balance of power in the M seems to shift from him holding it all, (when he was having the A and you would do almost anything to have him back), to completely the other way, (when you feel disgruntled at what he has done, and he realises what a fool he was, and is scared he may lose you - this is often the time a revenge fling may happen for the LBS). What you need is an even, balanced M where you share the power and the responsibility.
It may take a while to get there but it IS worth the wait. Remember, it took time for your M to get to crisis point....it takes time for it to recover. It also needs constant attention from now on to make sure you don't fall back into bad habits.
Just keep making new good times together.
My guess is that if one person knew at your H's work place then they all did, and with time the OW will feel humiliated and will move on. We were lucky, we were able to call in the legal team and offer her a pay off that she would have been a fool to refuse.
Saffie me 46 H 46 M in 1986 D20,D18,S16,D13 H's A 01/05 to 07/06 H recommitted to M 07/06 renewed vows 09/06 Going from strength to strength
