Hope and heartache

[ClingingToHope]

Mishka, I told W way back in March that I realized I treated her family poorly and really for no good reasons. That same month her mom had a hisderectomy and I visited her every day in the hospital without telling W. It got back to her later and that surprised her.

So in this case I don't think W thought I was putting on a show. And it didn't feel like a show. I'm not a very good actor, which is why my friends always call me to play cards.

Gucci. I have a couple of questions. What if I spend good money -- which I don't have -- on a PI and find out that she is starting to see someone?

In my case we haven't lived together for seven months. I have not asked since September if I'd already been replaced.

By getting it out in the open, how will that help me? She does not see us as married now. Wouldn't revealing that I care enough to hire a PI show her that I haven't moved on?

I just don't see her ending a relationship because I found out about it. Wouldn't it just make me look even weaker?

Here's my other problem. I made major mistakes by moving out and giving her a decent offer of money every two weeks. It seems to me the only thing I can do to change her perception of me is to file for divorce. I think she doubts I'd ever do that.