LIMBO NO MO!

[Greek]

Greek, the thought is to reach as many agreements as possible v. lawyering up off the bat, which means WAY more expense.

Makes sense.

Also, I suspect what she thinks hte D will look like v. what I will agree to are two, very different, things. It's an opportunity to bring more reality her way. I'm listening if you feel strongly otherwise.

But I think this is where it may get hairy. Talk w/ Coach tomorrow if you get a chance about this. Back in our time he kept almost everything very close to the vest which kept me off balance. The couple of times that we did try to talk about the legal issues face to face were...disasters. Very ugly. Very personal. Very unproductive. I know you are a lawyer and surely know more than the average bear about how to navigate these waters. But your emotions about this particular case will interfere with your objectivity.

Greek

[Gardener]

GREEK,
Hijack.

Read the beginning of my last post on my thread.
Ssshhhh! Not a word to Coach!

End hijack, gima.

[givingitmyall]

I know you are a lawyer and surely know more than the average bear about how to navigate these waters. But your emotions about this particular case will interfere with your objectivity.

NO DOUBT THERE. "The L who represents him/herself has a fool for a client." I have no intention of representing myself in the D. So, Gardener is correct that I need to sit down with a D L first.

I also have no intention of agreeing to anything more than the law says I must do. Agreeing is one thing and doing more than that (I'm thinking of $$ for the kids) on MY terms is quite another. I want control of that. In my view, D does not mean I am financing Mrs. GIMA's new solo lifestyle. We will BOTH suffer for her decision.

I will catch up with Coach.

[Looking_For_Help]

Hey GIMA,

To address your quote of:

"The conflict I have is logic (she isn't coming back and any nice behavior from her is b/c she wants to feel better or just get along until D is finished) v. emotion (she is acting nicely, so maybe this might be a sign). So far, logic is winning."

I have the same thing going on in my situation. It drives me insanely crazy thinking about it. When the "logic" is driving my thinking, I moving fast forward with filing for the divorce. When the "emotion" is driving my thinking, I wonder if I've been lovingly patient enough with my wife. It's a butt-kicker for sure. In both of our cases, the "emotion" can be ratified by our wives simply saying "I want to work on our marriage"...but they don't. This is why I'm moving forward with my life.

-LFH

[givingitmyall]

Hey GIMA,

To address your quote of:

"The conflict I have is logic (she isn't coming back and any nice behavior from her is b/c she wants to feel better or just get along until D is finished) v. emotion (she is acting nicely, so maybe this might be a sign). So far, logic is winning."

I have the same thing going on in my situation. It drives me insanely crazy thinking about it. When the "logic" is driving my thinking, I moving fast forward with filing for the divorce. When the "emotion" is driving my thinking, I wonder if I've been lovingly patient enough with my wife. It's a butt-kicker for sure. In both of our cases, the "emotion" can be ratified by our wives simply saying "I want to work on our marriage"...but they don't. This is why I'm moving forward with my life.

-LFH

That's a completely accurate description of how I feel. Which takes me back to "what other choice do I have under the circumstances?"

[Looking_For_Help]

GIMA,

Just found this interesting quote from Dr. Phil:

People often ask Dr. Phil, "How do I know if I'm ready to get a divorce?" The number one thing that you have to know is this: The time to get a divorce is when you can walk out the door with no anger, no resentment and no bitterness.

Now you're probably saying, "Wait a minute. Isn't that why you get a divorce?" No. If you've still got anger, resentment and bitterness, you've still got unfinished business, Dr. Phil says. You should be able to walk out the door saying, "I've done everything I can do to resolve this situation. I cannot do it. I accept that. I am moving on with my life." If you can't do that, you've got too much unfinished emotional business.

Are you there yet? I'm asking this same question to myself.

-LFH

[givingitmyall]

I can definitely say I cannot do anything more than I have to try to make the M work. But, I still have some resentment and anger at times - these I do not think will go away until more time has passed.

[Looking_For_Help]

GIMA,

Maybe the last thing we try is to remain lovingly patient? Again, I'm asking this question to myself as well. I'm planning on filing this week while my W is on a skiing vacation in Vermont by "herself."

THIS REALLY SUCKS!!!!!

-LFH

[Greek]

GIMA,

Maybe the last thing we try is to remain lovingly...

...strong and honorable. That's always in style

Greek

[givingitmyall]

SUCK, it does.

I have some work to do before I push the D button. I have to look at what teh D will look like for me - the numbers, not the emotions.

But, I cannot stay in this limbo existence. I just can't.